标题: Look for a kind father for my child [打印本页] 作者: 云雨 时间: 2003-3-16 13:50 标题: Look for a kind father for my child I am 33 and have a son who is nearly 2 years old. His father was dead in an accident a year ago. I'd like my son to grow up in an ordinary family, I hope he can have a good father to teach him a lot of things and play with him. I hope you have a child,too. If you can support the whole family, I'd like to stay at home to take care of the children. I like the children, I think I am a good mother. I am not so beautiful, and I am a kind woman.
If you are a kind man and you like the children too, please e-mail me.作者: Sprewell 时间: 2003-3-16 22:53
即使那个莽夫有这个意思，也被阁下的大号名字吓跑了。您的名字大概是出自除却巫山不是云。但每个人看了，立刻会联想，你的前夫大概是精尽而亡吧？
不如换个“官人我要”吧？作者: lovey 时间: 2003-3-16 23:33
没有必要那么说得这么尖刻吧？作者: 有理想的猪 时间: 2003-3-17 00:42
9494 做人留一线 日后好相见哦~~作者: 千鹤 时间: 2003-3-17 08:23
“云雨”，说得挺中肯的呀？！作者: 云雨 时间: 2003-3-18 21:26
In fact, I have no confidence in looking for a good father for my child. The hope will be like the cloud and the rain, it will disappear immediately.
I am so happy to live with my child. Because l love him, I want my child to enjoy the much healthier life. I hope that he can understand what is really Father's love when he grows up, and he can become a kindhearted man, a good father in the future.
I think most Chinese are very traditional, it includes me. My friends gave me more encouragement to post the topic, but I told them that it will be finished without result. I have already prepared to live with my child alone, I think I have this ability.作者: oneandone 时间: 2003-3-18 21:40
我的帖子经常被斑竹删掉。看他也挺辛苦的，不和她计较了。
看到云雨的帖子，心里很难受，真的。
有次在地铁看见一个中国母亲一个人带着孩子，一看就是新来的，因为在她的眼里我看见了一丝无助，还有些惶恐，孩子在那里蹦蹦跳跳。当时心里真的很不舒服，很难过。那些年轻的母亲，祝福你们。勇敢点，我们都需要坚强。作者: whoknowsxyz 时间: 2003-3-18 22:07
Dear Yunyu, I might be wrong but I would think that you should have worded your ad to the effect that you're a loving single mother looking for a loving and warm hearted partner/husband for yourself, instead of looking for a father (or step-father, to be exact) for your son. Everyone deserves love, you're no exception. The question is how you search for your love intelligently.作者: 冬青 时间: 2003-3-18 22:23
I agree with whoknowsxyz. Yunyu, you are still young. You should find somebody for yourself, not only for the sake of your son.作者: 云雨 时间: 2003-3-18 23:10
Thanks "冬青" and "whoknowsxyz", my friends said the same thing as you said.
I am not so sure if everything goes well in every way ---- "I love him, he loves me, my child likes him to be a father, he treats my son as his own", I think I am so greedy for that.
Of course everybody likes all the best things, but the opportunities are very rare.作者: whoknowsxyz 时间: 2003-3-18 23:20
Be self-confident and optimistic, and I'm sure you'll find that special someone sooner or later. But you have to love and take care of yourself first.....作者: 云雨 时间: 2003-3-18 23:43
Thanks again "whoknowsxyz"
I am optimistic but lack of some self-confidence.作者: Sprewell 时间: 2003-3-19 00:35
良心发现，出来道歉！
向云雨女士和所有观众道歉，我错了。我收回我的话。作者: sinonet 时间: 2003-3-19 02:50
这是一个非常温馨及令人动容的主题，大家为云雨加油，早日有位好伴侣。
LatrellSprewell也很欣赏你再次站出来的二度帖。 GOOD LUCK TO ALL!作者: hhocauestc 时间: 2003-3-19 11:24
cloudy and rain
i am not sure whether you need a man or your kid need a father, in fact, i think you do need a man to love you. but , being a chinese lady, you are shy, therefore, you pretend to find a father for your kid. i am sure you want a man to share you high pressure, look after your kid, the most crucial issue is to love you. everyone needs love besides you. therefore, claim directly, i need a husband. this is more naturally, do not you think so?作者: lhcc 时间: 2003-3-19 14:53
同意hhocauestc的看法。云雨，你的孩子不仅需要一个父亲，你更需要一个当你白发满缤的时候，仍能和你一起牵手去看夕阳的人。真心的祝福你！作者: 云雨 时间: 2003-3-19 15:20
Frankly, as a mother, I think that my kid's physically health and spiritually health are most important for me now. I am not so sure if I can love a man in the future. But now, I care more about my kid.
A few days ago, I received an e-mail, I copy it as follows:
"i very sympathize with your situation which is too difficult for a
woman. i had marriaged four years ago, i like children very much but my
wife could not give me. for this reason our emotion has got to flag. i
don't want to leave her because it isn't her mistake. but my parent has
just a son. i feel sorry to them.
sorry i talk too much.
i has never imaged that we could become any relation, i just want to
give u a suggestion, u need a man must be beginning from a friend."
I refused to meet this person and suggested him to adopt a child to create a new family atmosphere.
In the previous post, I said that I am lack of self-confidence; however, I have confidence in supporting my kid. I have no confidence in dealing with the relationship between my kid and my future husband, that is why I'd like to look for a person who has a child, too. If that, we can understand each other.
Thanks for all kind-hearted people. I am an optimistic woman, don't worry about me. If I don't meet a good chance, I will teach my kid how to face his future world without Father. Fortunately, he has so many kind uncles and aunts.
Thanks again my closed friends. They gave me this suggestion to let me receive more kind reply. They all care about my lucky future.
Good luck to everyone, especially to the mothers.作者: whoknowsxyz 时间: 2003-3-19 17:25
Dear Yunyu, sorry for my being straightforward: no one can do anything to help you if you're not sure you can love a man in the future (to use your words), and it's perfectly fine if you don't want to look for a companion for yourself. It's your life and you have the perfect right and freedom to choose what you want to do. However, I would never publish such a personal e-mail if I had any curtesy, tolerance and understanding for others at all...作者: whoknowsxyz 时间: 2003-3-19 17:27
"curtesy" should read as "courtesy". My apology for the typo.作者: 云雨 时间: 2003-3-20 12:35
In fact, I received many personal letters, some of them are much more impolite.
I am not a perfect person.作者: yoda 时间: 2003-3-20 19:30
if you are looking for a man who should love ur kid and won't care if you love him or not, it's 有
一定的难度.
Good luck !作者: 披头四 时间: 2003-3-20 22:27
尽管很感人，但觉得很奇怪。
可能是我的逻辑出了问题。作者: DNA 时间: 2003-3-21 00:41
云雨,
I know once be a parent, everything they think of is their children. They would like to provide them the best they have and the best they can do.
As a single mother, it doesn’t mean is the end of the world.
Don’t rush to find a step father for your son. As you know some people they scare they can’t find a spouse, so they just married with someone that they don’t know well and it ends up with divorce or regret.
Instead of having a step father that he may not know how to love your son and can’t benefit him, you can be a very good single mother to take care of your son. RIGHT? I’m sure you can do it.
Firstly, you need to control your emotion. You don’t need to feel guilty or feel bad that you can’t find a step father to your son. It’s not your fault.
Secondly, don’t “love” your son too much so that he has the control, punish him when necessary. You need to have some father’s attitude. Such as: you need to be firm, insist your principle and insist what you said. Woman usually is more emotional than man so woman is more easily to change. You need to teach your son to be firm by setting a good example to him.
Thirdly, often let your son to have contact with uncles. So that he can have a proper view of man and can affected by their personality and behavior.
Of course, the most important person is you. If you get sick or if you feel upset, who can take care of your son and how can he feels happy? So take care for yourself, pay attention to your food and have enough sleep.作者: whoknowsxyz 时间: 2003-3-21 02:35
I'm not sure I'm in any better position to give any advice. But I do agree that it might be not a good idea to quickly enter into a relationship in some cases. Being a single parent can be extremely tough, physically, financially and emotionally. One may have to realise that, whether you like it or not, it invariably takes time -- even years in somes cases -- to make a good recovery from a demise of one's spouse or from separation/divorce. In the latter case, one may have to go through a series of psychological process such as denial, anger, guilt, sorrow, or loneliness, and the emotional roller-coaster can easily throw one into a depression. Again, in the same case, the true victim might well be the child as opposed to either parent. One should always remember that no one can truly replace his or her biological father or mother, and there're few parents who do not love their children... In any rate, take a break, relax, allow time to heal the wounds, and learn how to forgive and love ourselves as well as others.作者: 云雨 时间: 2003-3-21 16:58
Thanks for comprehension and sincere suggestion.作者: angel2008 时间: 2003-3-22 19:45
雲雨！很喜歡你的名！我也是一個單親媽咪,但我對婚姻已失去信心）雖然照頤顧孩子挺不容易）但也是一直對自已說要堅強些︿anyway‧我希望你早日找到另一半！作者: hhocamontreal 时间: 2003-3-23 00:47
cloudy and rain
did you find your kid father, i do not think it is easy for you. you demand too high to a normal man, maybe super man is ok.作者: wtt 时间: 2003-3-23 13:29
好多女子在为自己的孩子找父亲，不是为自己找爱人，
这样的成功率会高吗？作者: 披头四 时间: 2003-3-23 13:47
本末倒置,缘木求鱼!作者: ben shung 时间: 2003-3-27 11:44
Your english is as very good as your heart. Surely you will have a life you are looking forward to.
Top fatherhood can be found everything. What your kid needs is a good parenthood: you and a good man with you. So you must look for a good man instead of a good father.