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标题: 网上英语角 [打印本页]

作者: Jingren 时间: 2002-5-8 13:45
标题: 网上英语角
Troubleshooting学英语(一)

本人英语不好(才知道)，多次发誓学习(以前是觉得不甚好)苦无时间精力，直到工作中语言的矛盾日益突出才在最近注册读书face to face的英语会话课。
昨晚上第一堂课，老外先纠正我的发音，他先夸我比90%的蒙特利尔人发音还标准，然后逐渐挑出了我自己从没有意识到的许多毛病。我很吃惊，原来老外经常“pardon me”并非都是由于自己表达得不准确。
老外推荐我听CJAD Talk Radio(AM)，CBC News(FM,88.5MHz)以及电视的一些Comedies，此前也曾尝试去听，没能坚持。不过，最近看“Just Shoot Me”似乎有了些兴趣，这个肥皂剧搞笑得很。

因为深感语言之重要，又觉得自己实在有些高不成低不就，不能持之以恒学习，所以在这里写些有关本地日用英语的短文，希望藉此保持自己以后的学习热忱。若有指教者，自然更妙。这里先谢！

今日，老板的打印机用完toner, 便想到我的打印机上取下cartridge, 他先打开盖子然后揿电源开关，墨盒跑了出来，老板想取出，不料它又缩了回去。我是搞 troubleshooting出身的，应该没有问题，便对他用昨天学的纯正的口音说帮他，只听他说：“Doesn’t matter for me.”
是没有关系的意思吗？他老说类似的短句，常让我揣摩上几秒钟无端地给人一种反应慢如蜗牛的感觉。这次我又请教，当然老板对我说过不要到他那里学英语，言下之意是他无暇顾及或不屑一顾，我只好到一个名叫斯大林的funny guy那里。他脱口而出：
-Let’s go to the park.
-Doesn’t matter for me!

哦，我明白了。No problem，it’s OK for me! 因为墨盒不把他放在眼里，他便这样自嘲。

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-5-8 14:11
sorry to point it out, but you still understand it wrong.
what your boss mean is, "go to do your own work, here we don't need your help." he just use a polite way to ask you to get lost!!!!

作者: changchun08 时间: 2002-5-8 17:04
wang8 if you are free just to cook sth for your kids and husband.

作者: emily2002 时间: 2002-5-8 18:16
wang8原来是个女的呀。

作者: Jingren 时间: 2002-5-9 09:19
Troubleshooting学英语(2)
平时用不着我接电话，今天可能天气不错，老板出差，接待员度假，通常这时马克思先生负责日常事务，可他下车间了，于是我只有硬着头皮顶替他们，用秘书的话来说，我今天整个儿“like a Jack of all trades” ，什么事都做。
电话特别多，十八般武艺都用上，除了有人责怪“你不说法语吗”以外，总算把所有的事都摆平了。值班的时间差不多了，就在这时，匆匆走进一位中年男士，进门直奔我而来，一手拿着超大型“计算器”，一手拿着一个大信封似的东东，嘴里叽哩呱啦地背了一通什么话。我一看，似乎是快递，于是想澄清一下是什么是否要我签字，他一面不耐烦地说是，一面又重复了一遍原话。这时我确切地感受到一种文化的冲击。讲不清楚的事怎能随便答应？于是，我让他等一会儿，我马上呼一下老马。没想到他三下五除二收起东东，“啧”了一声，转身离去。就在这时，马克思回到办公室，我马上冲出去，打着手势让他回来。他已经上了大卡车，只朝我摆摆手，便启动车子扬长而去。
马克思问我：“你刚才叫我？什么事？”
当然，他说的是英语，尽管他会说一些中文。

作者: kind 时间: 2002-5-9 14:37
JINGREN, 你在哪里报名学英语呀,费用多少?你是不是觉的这种英语班很有帮助? 我也一直想提高口语,不知到哪里学好.
谢谢

作者: 科长 时间: 2002-5-9 17:06
同下，有效而便宜的学英语途径或学校有吗，请介绍一下

作者: yoyo69 时间: 2002-5-10 00:57
Try to watch "Frasier" instead of "just shoot me" and see how well u can catch those 2 psychologists, or try to watch "ER" rather than "friends"...Got me???

作者: zhouzhong 时间: 2002-5-10 09:11
Jingren, It's funny. Go ahead!

作者: Jingren 时间: 2002-5-10 09:16
Troubleshooting学英语(3)
有一位同事，每天上班都要和我打招呼，抡起拳臂向上捣鼓两下，颇具气势地说：“Always up!”
彼人人缘极佳，我也乐得和他比划一下，说一声：“Always up!”心想：上班就得这样，给人精力充沛的感觉。每每如此，彼人大笑。
后来有一次，发现彼人以此开玩笑，抛着媚眼，很是诡秘的样子，我似乎有些顿悟。
不过，我还是如往常一样和他打招呼，不管他怎么想，我总是还以响亮的一句“Always up (精神振奋)！”
学过声乐的我，气势上压倒了他。

网友，以下是当时我查英语学校时留下的一些“草稿”，没有加以整理，仅供参考。不太好比较，价格可以网上查，也可以询问。我个人是比较了三家，选了个最便宜的，一对一每小时30元不到，当然还要加上些许注册费和书费。我想质量如何，等我读了8小时后再说吧，我也是这样和学校谈的：如果老师不好，我就换学校，退一步换老师。
a.985-2414www.centreccfa.com peel
b.8782821 square victoria
c. 3951948 www.elam.qc.ca
d. 9399911 www.lsc-canada.com 1610 ste canterhine O.
e. 2816700 www,cclmontreal.com 2360 Notre-dame O.
f. 9394463 www.cilm.qc.ca guy
g. 876-4572 www.ilsc.ca peel
h. 847-0841 www.geosmtl.com 1350 sherbrooke O
i. 2811016 www.platocollege.com 4521 park avenue
Michigan & Cambridge
6 hours per week for 12 weeks
Wednesday and Friday, 6-9 p.m $475.00
English & French 4 Weeks  12 Weeks
6 hrs, per week, Mon., Wed., Fri., 6-8 p.m. $200.00 $450.00
10 hrs, per week, Monday to Friday, 10-12 p.m. $235.00 $615.00
*25 hrs, per week, Monday to Friday, 10-3 p.m. $380.00 $955.00
*As an added value we offer CONVERSATION CLUB 3p.m. - 4p.m. at no extra charge! when enrolled in this program. Offered only from the finest language school in the country.
Private Courses
(English, French, German, Italian, Greek, Spanish, Portuguese)
2 hrs per week (8 Hrs) 4 Weeks $200.00
3 hrs per week (12 Hrs) 4 Weeks $285.00
2 hrs per week (24 Hrs) 12 Weeks $570.00
3 hrs per week (36 Hrs) 12 Weeks $780.00
Private Courses
(Russian, Japanese, Chinese, Swedish, Persian, Dutch, Arabic, Polish, Turkish, Armenian, Romanian, Bulgarian etc. )
2 hrs per week (8 Hrs) 4 Weeks $235.00
3 hrs per week (12 Hrs) 4 Weeks $340.00
2 hrs per week (24 Hrs) 12 Weeks $640.00
3 hrs per week (36 Hrs) 12 Weeks $860.00
Group Courses
(Spanish, Italian, Greek, German, etc... )
3 hours per week, for 12 weeks (5 to 8 students) $385.00
Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry
2 hrs per week for 12 weeks $570.00
3 hrs per week for 12 weeks $780.00
English & French Conversion Club
5hrs per week(3-4 p.m. daily) for 4 weeks $120.00

LOCAL TUITION FEES APPLY ONLY WHEN PROOF OF CITIZENSHIP OR LANDED IMMIGRANT STATUS IS SHOWN AT THE TIME OF REGISTRATION

Book Fees (English, French):
24 weeks....................$160
12 weeks....................$95
4 weeks......................$45
Foreign Languages.....$42
NON-REFUNDABLE REGISTRATION FEE $45.00

作者: Jingren 时间: 2002-5-10 21:42
Yoyo69,是ABC(Ch22)19：30到20：00的Frasier吗？我没留意，大概是讲什么的？可看性如何？谢谢。
另外，请指教如何翻译下面句子成本地英语：
“报销有截止日期吗？”
“明天我请一天的假，我要到城里办点事。”
有时觉得说得很合语法，但西人不懂！？

还有，有谁知道当地比较好的英文BBS网址？多谢！

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-5-10 21:58
1) is there a deadline for the reimbursement?
2) i want to take tomorrow off for some personal affairs in downtown

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-5-10 22:08
when your friends say, "always up!". you can reply, "never let it down!" then move your sight to his "key point". it will burst a laughter for sure!

作者: Jingren 时间: 2002-5-11 20:55
生活的绝招。Thanks, Madam Wang8. You are a funny guy and really have expertise in English language (maybe also in French). Anyway, Thank you so much for help. I will try to use them in a proper situation.

Troubleshooting学英语（4）
“……玫瑰…名字…甜……”
老板和我谈他的生意，不知是否有意让我也学着点，当他说到这里的时候，我有些茫然。在努力弄明白他这句话意思的时候，他看出了我挣扎的表情，于是停下来，有些不快地说：“你的英语为什么比当初还差？”
其实，当初和他交谈时，我的英语并不太好，他说的话很多也不懂。但是，我光听重要的词句，每当有句子听不懂就耸耸肩哈哈大笑，以表示我同意他的看法。而现在，我是努力想听懂所有的，这就是问题的症结所在了。仔细想想，或许我现在到了一个瓶颈。
好在最近一对一学英语时，正好听到音带里播放老板说的那句话。“啊，圣旨！请停停，让我听清楚这家伙讲什么？”我对老师说。
原来还是个双关语：“Rose by any other name smells sweet.”
可不可以译成“是金子就会发亮”呢？老板不会是不在说我吧。嘿嘿嘿！
看来，当初听不懂就开怀一笑的战术很对头。

作者: Homesick 时间: 2002-5-11 22:22
我也想学英语，但不有动力。如果有人组织英语角，叫上我！多谢。

作者: Homesick 时间: 2002-5-13 12:21
我是读关于management的diploma, 虽然觉得英语重要，遇到不懂常常懒得问，有时也因为忙不过来，一知半解算了。其实，我是真希望能够得到高手的指点。在一个case里读到关于一个研究报告的，其中有project objectives、technical objectives和technical uncertainties不太清楚它们有何区别。有的词问老师可能很为难，人家会说中国人就这英语也来都书？望同胞相助，谢谢啦！

作者: tweaty 时间: 2002-5-17 12:48
Wanna learn English? You have to find something interesting to motivate yourself. You don't like to learn but you can't help learning.
One way is to read jokes. Remember it and try to tell it to a foreigner when you have a suitable opportunity. You learn not only English but also foreign culture which helps you more. It also gives you more topic when you want to practise English with a foreigner.
Please read the following joke. I bet most Chinese won't get it. But every English-spoken adults will understand it unless he/she is as same stupid as the blonde ginies.

2 BLONDE GENIES
A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up a lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100.00 bills.

Then, there is a knock at the door. He answers the door and standing there are two people in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he is dead.

The Klansmen walk off. As they are walking away, they remove their hoods, and it's the two blonde genies.
One blonde genie says to the other one "Hey, I can understand the first wish, having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire." "But why anyone would want to be hung like a black man is beyond me."

作者: Matrix 时间: 2002-5-17 20:36
Let me change your joke a little bit to make it easier for Chinese ppl.
A black vampire is always out of luck and one day he is walking along the beach and see a bottle floating on the sea. He picks up the bottle and opens it. A thread of smoke comes out from the bottle and turns out to be a ghost. The ghost says to the black vampire," You saved my life so you're granted three wishes! I can make all your three wishes come true right away at the same time!!!"
Here are the black vampire's wishes:
1. I want plenty of blood;
2. I don't like my skin color, I want to turn white;
3. I have strong desire for sex and I want to spend the rest of my life among women.
"Alright," says the ghost and then he makes the black vampire's three wishes come true at the same time, well, you guys just guess what happened to the black vampire!!!

作者: tweaty 时间: 2002-5-17 21:47
OK, here is a easier one:
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.
Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.
Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.
Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could.

作者: Homesick 时间: 2002-5-18 09:22
拜托！我没有那水平，也没有那闲工夫。到底怎样才能不断激励自己呢？想学好英语但有觉得枯躁。我估计还是有捷径的。

作者: Matrix 时间: 2002-5-18 11:19
To Homesick, you don't have to 不断激励自己, as long as you have to use it everyday. You know what I mean, if you don't learn you'll be dumb and deaf.
As long as you'll use what you've learned in everyday life, you'll never feel枯躁. But you should be more patient, 'cuz language ability accumulates day by day. You can't 一口气撑个大胖子，don't even think about it!!!
No need to compare yourself with Wang8, his background (which he is always proud of and means really nothing to me) is totally different with us new immigrants. You my friend, you just take your time step by step, you can speak good English I am sure! :cool:

作者: tweaty 时间: 2002-5-19 15:15
To Homesick, if you have no time or you feel bored to read jokes, you'd better go home now and cure your homesick.
There is no real shortcut, but I can tell you a little secret. If you can try, it will be very very hard for you though, to change yourself. If you can change yourself to enjoy English stuff, you will be on the right track.
迷上过武侠小说吗？迷上过电子游戏吗？迷上过打拖拉机吗？你知道“迷”的力量吗？如果你能迷上英语，读英语小说，看英语大片，听英语笑话，上英语网站，砍英语大山，嘿嘿，你还用发愁学英语吗？说得一丈不如行取一尺；说得一尺不如行取一寸。年轻人，赶快行动吧！(又嘱：切忌浮躁，谨记，谨记!)

作者: Homesick 时间: 2002-5-20 16:01
多谢指点，我想我是不应着急。但最大的问题是思维方式都是中文的，说英语常常先在脑子里有了中文，然后再翻译成不地道的英语，如何改正呢？

作者: Cocoz 时间: 2002-5-20 17:29
The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.
学的越多,知道的越多, 知道的越多,忘记的越多, 忘记的越多,知道的越少, 为什么学来着?!

作者: Ferdinand 时间: 2002-5-20 19:18
To tweaty,
"to be hung like a black man"means "to have old2 always up or as big as a blackman " ??
To matrix,
I thought the answer to your joke is "weishengjin", isn't it ?

作者: RickLiu 时间: 2002-5-20 19:59
Ferdinand, 嘘......(WHISPER)小声点儿

作者: tweaty 时间: 2002-5-20 23:15
Right, did you enjoy the jokes?
To Homesick, your problem is that 学有余而应用不足.
学课本只能应付考试,只有应用,把英语当做工具才能成为英语的主人而不是奴隶.
从现在就开始行动吧, one year later, you will see the difference.

作者: Jingren 时间: 2002-5-21 21:50
（5）薄荷糖和英语
它们之间本来没有太大的联系。
上班时间。地铁等了好一会儿还没来，于是塞了粒薄荷糖到嘴里。这时，传来广播的声音（法语），似乎说是哪条线出了什么问题。想搞明白怎么回事，左顾右盼，发现身边只有一位老外小年轻也正用探望的神色看着我。我问他广播里说什么，他说他也不知道，也不懂法语。
于是我们交谈了起来。他是McGill的学生，来自温哥华，英语是他的母语。
交谈了有那么半晌的时间，我觉得有些奇怪：我的英语怎么说得这么溜？和他交流已没有任何问题，自己的口音尤其地道。这不？接下来，他就直夸我英语说得棒极了。
又交谈了蛮长的时间，发现他开始用“I’m sorry”了，接着一句又一句“Pardon me”。怎么回事？
直到他下车，我才恍然大悟：原来是薄荷糖用完了。

写到这里，突然想起一个问题：河流为什么总是弯弯曲曲的？您知道吗？(by the way, how to translate this question? Thanks!)

作者: tweaty 时间: 2002-5-23 11:12
Try another one, enjoy:
<<Liver and Cheese>>
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a  
beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over  
themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up  
arriving in front of her at the same time.
 
The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves  
and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her  charms and  
her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them  
"The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese"  together in an  
imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
 
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese."
 
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."  
She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said "How well can you do?"
 
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's  just as dumb as the Lab's sentence." 
 
She then turns to the last of the  three dogs and  says, "How about you, little guy?"
 
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the  Taco Bell Chihuahua. 
He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says  
 "Liver alone. Cheese mine."

作者: gaaag 时间: 2002-5-23 15:22
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."
then,a pretty girl come to him and say "liver wine,shot mine".

作者: Matrix 时间: 2002-5-23 19:09
Tweaty, see my version:
There are 3 men, one is from the States, a huge wrestler, one is from Australia, a muscular rugby player, and the other one is skinny Wang8. One day they travel to a city. There is a famous prostitute in the city who always claims that nobody can satisfy her. Those stupid egomanias just don't believe so. "I'll try her first!" says the wrestler and then he steps into her room. 1 minute, 2 minutes,...not more than 5 minutes, he comes out despondently. "Let me show you how!" says the rugby player and rushes into her room. 1 minute, 2 minutes,...just the same old thing happens, not more than 5 minutes, he sneaks out of the room like a old dog. "Well, it's my turn now!" says the skinny and boney Wang8. "a, ah, Ah, AH, AHH..." screams the *****. 1 hour, 2 hours,...,6 hours,..., the whole city can hear the ***** screaming. Finally, proud Wang8 creeps out from the room cock-a-hoop. "How can you make it???" those two with full of suspicion in mind hurry Wang8 to the answer.
"Well well well," says Wang8,"...!" I am sure Wang8 knows the answer. How about you guys?

作者: tweaty 时间: 2002-5-24 08:40
Just a hint to our readers. Chihuahua is a dog from Mexico, so he speaks in Mexican accent.

The following is a straight one, no puzzle, just joke.

A Lesson in Government
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''

作者: Matrix 时间: 2002-5-24 11:14
Leave her alone, she's mine.
How about Wang8's answer, did you guys get it?

作者: gaaag 时间: 2002-5-27 13:06
Tweat,I think it is a good idea to practise english by rewriting the joke. here, I practise one.

One day a black teenager was told in a class that the people names are usually initiated by their parent with special attention and mind. After school, the boy comes to his mother with a puzzle look on his face” say mon, why is my big brother called as Might Storm”
“oh”,his mother said,” he was conceived in a might storm day. I still remembered this marvellous day”
Then, the boy said, “why is my sister named cornflower”? The mother replied with sweet smile ”well, your father and I were in a land full of corn flower when we made her”.
The boy continued his curious and asked, ”so what happened to my other sister Moonchild”? Her mother said” We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived.” then, the mother paused and said to the boy upsettingly ”do not ask any more, why don’t go to play with your brother, Torn Rubber”.
:p

作者: s1234 时间: 2002-5-27 13:09
How to answer these two questions:

1. How would you like to work?

2. How would you like to work for us?

作者: gaaag 时间: 2002-5-27 13:23
just my understanding
1)asking what is your work plans or your requirments to solve the problem.
2)asking what is your contribution to them.

作者: s1234 时间: 2002-5-27 13:28
At the first glance, I will answer like this. However, maybe we misunderstood the questions.

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-5-27 13:33
1) i don't like to work.
2) but i like to work with you guys, becasue i consider it more of my intrest than a work...

作者: s1234 时间: 2002-5-27 13:49
Wang8, you got it. Others have more professional answers?

作者: gaaag 时间: 2002-5-27 15:05
when given different situation,it will have different meaning.
a much simple question ,like "what?",will probabaly deduce hundreds of meaning.

作者: Jingren 时间: 2002-5-28 09:35
诸位，我弄不明白，为什么你们还懂中文？！

“SO FAR, SO GOOD”(6)
不要见笑，我一开始想表达“到现在为止都不错”还觉得有些困难，许多中学里学过的表达方?*?缫丫?垢?死鲜Γ?徊恢??鞘盏搅嗣挥校?暇狗?ㄍ蚶锖蒙?岣簟?n有一回老板问我，蒙哥马利安营扎寨已有些时日，“did you have any trouble?”
有，当然有，比如“月儿弯弯上班，绿林好汉阻拦”，诸如此类。但为了不引起文化落差的误会，充了回胖子，说：
“So far, …”
“So far, so good.” 他补充说道。

作者: Jingren 时间: 2002-5-29 20:06
求教：如何避免乱码糊贴？

作者: gaaag 时间: 2002-5-29 20:49
I think it depends on your chinese input tool.I used to writing chinese in njstar.it seems working well except typing quite slowly.
but maybe the wrong codes is due to the technical problem of this board.as I feel,there are some apparitions abided on this board.

just try to post some contents to other bbs in order to prove it.

作者: tweaty 时间: 2002-5-30 11:19
New joke for today, learn a couple of idioms:
GM vs Microsoft
At a recent  computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry  with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like  the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000  miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors  issued a press release stating, "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft,  we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For  no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time  they painted new lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3.  Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to  pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car,  restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason  you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such  as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which  case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a  time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT," but then you would have to buy  more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun,  was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but it would only  run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and  alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "general protection  fault" warning light.

8. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?"  before deploying.

9. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, you car  would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the  door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the antenna.

10. GM  would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally Road  maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them.  Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance  to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for  investigation by the Justice Department.

11. Every time GM introduced a  new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of  the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

12. You'd  have to press the "start" button to turn the engine off

作者: whoami? 时间: 2002-5-31 23:01
我需要写一个note给我的房东，请他帮忙在我儿子的护照申请表上签字，这样写行吗？
dear sir, your mentioned that you could help me sign my son's passport application. i have all my document ready now.would you please give me a call at ********,or you can come over to my place after 6;00pm every day.i appreciate your help!

我想写的客气一点，但水平有限，请各位大侠帮忙！
谢谢

作者: gaaag 时间: 2002-6-1 07:46

or you can come over to my place after 6;00pm every day.i appreciate your help!

or you can come over to my place after 6;00pm on any of your convenient day.

作者: Jingren 时间: 2002-6-1 08:47
“泰迪熊”的故事 (7)

“在windows文件夹的system子目录下，请查看一下有没有一个Teddy小熊图标的文件‘Jdbgmgr.exe’，那是病毒！”部门主管兼网管马克思先生用低沉的声音告诉我。
果然，我们发现了它灰色的踪影，而且每台电脑都有。
紧接着，马克思如临大敌地对我发号施令,“ DO NOT OPEN IT FOR ANY REASON。…Now, right click and delete it, then, go to the recycle bin and delete it or empty the recycle bin.” 我按照他说的把泰迪熊送进了回收箱。
半信半疑的我上了Symantec公司的网站，在那里找到了相关信息：
Hoax message
This hoax has appeared in several languages. Some are as follows:
English
I found the little bear in my machine because of that I am sending this message in order for you to find it in your machine. The procedure is very simple:
The objective of this e-mail is to warn all Hotmail users about a new virus that is spreading by MSN Messenger. The name of this virus is jdbgmgr.exe and it is sent automatically by the Messenger and by the address book too. The virus is not detected by McAfee or Norton and it stays quiet for 14 days before damaging the system.
The virus can be cleaned before it deletes the files from your system. In order to eliminate it, it is just necessary to do the following steps:
1. Go to Start, click "Search"
2.- In the "Files or Folders option" write the name jdbgmgr.exe
3.- Be sure that you are searching in the drive "C"
4.- Click "find now"
5.- If the virus is there (it has a little bear-like icon with the name of jdbgmgr.exe DO NOT OPEN IT FOR ANY REASON
6.- Right click and delete it (it will go to the Recycle bin)
7.- Go to the recycle bin and delete it or empty the recycle bin.
IF YOU FIND THE VIRUS IN ALL OF YOUR SYSTEMS SEND THIS MESSAGE TO ALL OF YOUR CONTACTS LOCATED IN YOUR ADDRESS BOOK BEFORE IT CAN CAUSE ANY DAMAGE.
……
当我把这一消息告诉马克思时，他觉得受到了愚弄，气恼地说：
“Who is the idiot?”
“谁在说谁？” 我有些高兴地问他。

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-6-1 08:55
dear sir, your mentioned that you could help me sign my son's passport application. i have all my document ready now.would you please give me a call at ********,or you can come over to my place after 6;00pm every day.i appreciate your help!
-----------------------------------------
dear sir,
As per our previous discussion, i have my passport applicatino ready for you to sign. please give me a call before you come and i am supposed to be home everyday after 6pm.
your help is greatly appriciated!

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-6-1 08:58
montrealwinter, with all respect, your version is the worst on this board concerning that passport application. the origional one is ten times better than yours and wang8's is at least 100 times better.
ask the opinion of your native buddy. he might say your mouth is good for a blowjob, but speaking english? forget it....

作者: whoami? 时间: 2002-6-1 15:59
谢谢WANG8！

作者: whoami? 时间: 2002-6-1 16:07
还有MontrealWinter and gaaag,多谢啦1

作者: Matrix 时间: 2002-6-1 18:51
Wang8, do me a favor would you pls? Stop stimulating my appetite recently OK? Kinda overload these days

Those gals are crazy!

Got me, Dude?

作者: Matrix 时间: 2002-6-1 18:57
Wang8, I'm warning you here--never ever mention MW's any part of body here no more!!! :mad:
Especially her big big sexy mouth!!!

Kinda naughty these days, sorry guys! :p

作者: tweaty 时间: 2002-6-1 23:10
斑竹, please add "blowjob" to your filter list like *******. It is too rude for us innocent English learners.

作者: gaaag 时间: 2002-6-2 10:17
you speak too much.why not save your energy and flirt with wangba.he is looking for "my sassy girl (我的野蛮女友)".I think you are one of the best candiates.

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-6-2 10:33
mw, my asshole is exclusively reserved for you. you run through it on a daily basis. be moist, ok?

作者: tweaty 时间: 2002-6-2 13:13
MW, did I ever offense you in any way? How come you are so mad on me? You must be a lunatic. Yeah, that's right. You are a lunatic.

Wang8, please reserve your asshole for MW for full time, have him run through it on a minutely basis instead of daily basis. Only that could keep his mouth busy and cure his mental problem. He will appreciate your generosity when he is back to normal.

作者: tweaty 时间: 2002-6-2 13:14
Oops, Wang8, I forgot to tell you. One of MW's problem is that he appears over-happy and over-excited. You'd better torture him while he is running through your asshole. It would help for the treatment. The more you torture him, the better for himself.

作者: tweaty 时间: 2002-6-2 13:16
Wang8, how long do you think you can cure his problem? When he is better, maybe you can arrange him a job. His mouth is really really perfect for blowjob. Don't ruin his career. Otherwise, all the men in Montreal will have no fun in Winter. When two men encounter in Montreal's streets, they will firstly say:" I really hate Montreal Winter!" instead of saying "Hello".

作者: tweaty 时间: 2002-6-2 13:18
Wang8, MW的事就拜托你了。不光是为他自己好，也是为蒙城所有男人造福。
这个英语角已经被MW毁了，我走了，拜拜。

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-6-2 13:24
boys and girls, what do you think montrealwinter is? if you think its a body part, you are 100% wrong. wang8's se**al orientation is 100% hetro. so my asshole serves one purpose only, maybe i should make it more clear, montrealwinter run out of my asshole is a daily basis.
get the picture?
merciful wang8

作者: tweaty 时间: 2002-6-2 13:58
You mean MW is shit, even merciful wang8 could not help him?

man, I really hate Montreal winter, it is so long without fun. After all, it is shit!

merciful wang8, can you make sure you flush your toilet right away after it runs out of your asshole? Make sure it is in the right place it should be!

作者: Matrix 时间: 2002-6-2 14:05
Wang8, you seem to be younger than 廉颇，he was too old that shitted 3 times during one meal and you still once a day, good for you!!!

MW, people used to call those bugs you fed on your body "crabs", got it?

The last sentence you wrote to Tweaty should be "kick you like a Greek!"

sorry, MW, I love to make fun of my friends and laugh at them, did you watch "the 70's show", that's the way I deal with my friends and hope you will get used to it!

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-6-2 14:26
sorry, guys, montrealwinter can no longer be my shit. my w.c. just complained, "hey, how come your gaga are so stinky recently." i think the reason must be that wm. she is not the shit, she is the parasite resides in the shit which makes the shit worse than the shit.
so long, montrealwinter, i will take some medicine tomorrow to eliminate you completely....

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-6-2 17:59
r u talkiang about my friend assman?

作者: assman 时间: 2002-6-2 18:01
montrealwinter, watch you mouth, ok? wang8 is wang8 and he is not assman.
seems like wang8 doesn't like you. muuuuuuu, seems like you are a hardsell. how about provide some free sex to beggers on the street? at least they can make you feel fulfilled momentarily.
go find a man, and leave ass to me...

作者: gaaag 时间: 2002-6-3 11:27
What wrong with here?so peace!!!come on,continue your bullshitting around.it is my pleasure to see you people fighting for shit!

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-6-3 12:40
similarity between shit and montrealwinter:
1. it stinks
2. you don't like it, but you can not get rid of it
3. if you are prepared for it, you just sit. if you are not, you running around looking for an escape place like crazy
4. they are all sticky
5. you need to clear them off after make contact with them.
6. they like to talk to them themselfs (fart is a form shit talks with themselves and continuously posting is mw talking to herself)
any additional and collective wisdom?

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-6-3 12:50
7)they tend to overestimate themselves, shit always think it can fulfill the whole water closet and wm thinks wang8 will take her to bed one day.
8)when we say some unfortunate thing has to happen, we say " shit happens" when we see unavoidable cold wind come to montreal, we say "montrealwintetr"

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-6-3 13:12
8) they are all unrealiable. one moment, you feel you have to sit, but when you go there, you think you don't need it... one moment, wm tells me she doesn't look a word of mine, at another moment, she tells she has read all my seven points....
9) they all like to predict the future. mw tells others fate, market movement.... shit slways try to tell its contact timeing (the time it hit the ground)...

作者: wang8 时间: 2002-6-3 13:27
nobody with sound mind will echo you, stupid shit. go and join angel, sunshine and professional, you 4 can form a ring of shit.

作者: assman 时间: 2002-6-3 13:57
montrealwinter, why don't you keep the shit to yoruself and leave us ass a clean place?
we all know shit exit, but we don't have to talk it all the time.
montrealwinter, just get lost!
go home, montrealwinter, go home!!!!

作者: assman 时间: 2002-6-3 14:05
you are wrong, assman=wang8.
you are just the residual product of assman, called shit.

作者: assman 时间: 2002-6-3 14:16
no, we have to generate you thorugh ass. montrealwinter, if you can find another way, i will promote you to montrealsummer.
assman or assowman, we have to let montrealwinter pass through!!!!!!

作者: assman 时间: 2002-6-3 14:33
have to say shit is bad, shit from guangzhou is worse, shit from a grangzhou woman is the worst. shit from an ugly guangzhou woman with kid is a living hell...
mintrealwinter is a people? is a living thing? how can you prove it?????

作者: shit 时间: 2002-6-3 14:45
Are you talking to me????

作者: shit 时间: 2002-6-3 14:57
don't be self-destructive please. aren't you talking about yourself? it just happened to my name. i am proud of you!!!!!

作者: Professional 时间: 2002-6-3 15:12
To MW:
No one makes me disappear, and I’ve been always around. As for Wangba, choking off a yupi banker (that was me!) who enrages him most often, sounds like a neat and peaceable way to help prevent future attacks. How effectively??! Only if he has ever ever made it! Haha!
Even people leading the efforts to cut me off, should detect that Wangba stops bluffing at this BBS. And my best wish is: finally, he is starting to figure out what a real s-u-cker he has become!
On the other hand, well, there is still no sign that our Concordia-shi-t-glued “stupidme’ starts to acknowledge his intergenerational stupidity and idiot-like behavior.
Montreal Winter, keep working, I’ll be on your side.

作者: Matrix 时间: 2002-6-3 22:01
Professional, it's been a long time and I thought you've been 'comradized' by those homos

By the way, I miss your dog!
Kinda scary when you said you were always around----like a ghost??? eek! So act like a man, don't change your ID would you?

作者: Matrix 时间: 2002-6-4 01:47
WM, it's kinda funny because professional has disappeared for quite a long time but when you mentioned his name he showed up suddenly and said"I has always been around!"----No doubt that he has been using another name here around us like a ghost

, guess who he is, is he that assman :confused: or shit :confused: ? C'est possible.

作者: Professional 时间: 2002-6-4 08:22
To MW and Matrix:
When I say I’ve always be around, I am conveying the message: I am watching the posts.
I don’t need to change my ID, Professional is already a “big banner”.
As a man, I’m still fairly old-fashioned and couldn’t figure out people’s fever in insulting themselves, Unless: Assman is a man without an ass, Shit is real shit and Wangba is, understandably, a big-mouth s-u-cker….
As per my doggie Mikkie, she is still in the lab and will be there for a while.

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