标题: 刚被“丈夫”打了 [打印本页] 作者: desperatenewyea 时间: 2003-2-1 00:36 标题: 刚被“丈夫”打了 作者: 天生天养 时间: 2003-2-1 00:45
不会吧，今天过年的作者: celibate 时间: 2003-2-1 00:45
为什么呀？不过对动手的男人从没有好印象，无能＋愚蠢？sigh!气愤！ :mad:作者: 有苦难言 时间: 2003-2-1 01:06
i can't type more than one sentence in my computer in Chinese. and my sentences were deleted when i move to the next sentence.
When in China, he beated me but i had no place to speak out. He beated me more than one time, he might know that every time i will forgive him though he never said sorry to me.作者: 有苦难言 时间: 2003-2-1 01:10
every time because of the family odds.作者: sl111 时间: 2003-2-1 01:14
Call 911. If the beaten is proved, the guy will be arrested right away and put into jail. Afterwards, he has no right to see you in a long term.
The guy, your husband should know clearly, here is Canada where everybody is well protected, not China.作者: 有苦难言 时间: 2003-2-1 01:19
he does not care what the time is,but he care the place! he never beats me in public and often says to others that i am unreasonable.
i remember the Chinese new year day several years ago, he beated me before my kid, and asked my kid"bie li ta". After that, my "period" becomes in disorder.
But in order to save face, i forgave him because we worked in the same unit!作者: 有苦难言 时间: 2003-2-1 01:24
yes, i said i will call 911, but he shouted at me "da,da,da", everytime when i say i will divorce he said, "ok,i'm waiting for that."
But when i said it to my kid, she cried and said she does not want us seperate, she wants to be with both of us, everytime, that's prevent me taking any action!作者: 有苦难言 时间: 2003-2-1 02:24
what the other women will do,if you are in my position?作者: 急死人2 时间: 2003-2-1 08:21
真是太气愤了，这样的人怎可再和他生活在一起？连做人的尊严都没有了。他要爱你的话，他要是有起码的良心的话，决不会打自己的老婆自己的亲人的，自强起来，挺起胸膛鼓起勇气-离开。他要再打你，CALL 911。向女儿讲讲道理吧。你要过得不好，女儿又怎会过得好？
真是令人气愤，怎么会有这种男人？作者: 天生天养 时间: 2003-2-1 12:05
先给你拜个年，祝你新春大吉。
冷静下来，不要打911的，有意义吗？必竟是夫妻一场的。实在不可以生活到一起，就好见好散吧，在国外每个人的压力都很大的，理解一下。
冷静。。。冷静。。。拿出你的智慧去解决问题。。。我很理解你的心情的。。。。。。作者: asdfdsa 时间: 2003-2-1 12:44
you should solve everything through law procedure, to be more brave, never sacrify yourself for kid. you are independent.作者: 有苦难言 时间: 2003-2-1 15:01
thank verybody,especially "tian sheng tian yang",(sorry, i can't type in Chinese though i'm struggling writing in English
I'm always dealing with it reasonably enough. But the problem is he might think this is a kind of yeilding, a kind of surrendering so that he could beat me repeatedly. And becomes a habbit. But to hurt my kid means to kill myself This often make me heartbroken.I can't bear that assumption that my kid will see her father being arrested by the police. so you can understand in what a situation i am. So last night, even he pushed me to call 911, i did not because my kid is before us and crying.作者: 偏要！！ 时间: 2003-2-1 15:30
嗨，难姐难妹！咱俩的事相差不到一个点。一过年男人就发疯啊？我现在鼻青脸肿不能出门，对着电脑发呆。你呢？你保重。作者: hhocauestc 时间: 2003-2-1 15:52
有苦难言
it is inconceivable, there is such a man who never cherish her wife, i encourage you to divorce with your husband, people can lose everything but dignity, trust yourself, there is no difficulty which can not be overcome in the world.作者: 有苦难言 时间: 2003-2-1 18:38
I went out to breathe the fresh cool air of Canada and tried to cool my head to find a proper clue for myself. The grey sky and the grey branches of trees made me chilly. The air is bitter and my heart is so desperate__ this is a place i don't know much. People passing by are unknow to me
I felt myself lost in the deep bitterness. When in China, every time after this kind of nightmare, i went out to sit and walk a while, to see my friends and my relatives pretending nothing happened. Then i would feel better. But now, i found i have no place to go, nobody to see and to talk. i need not pretend, nobody knows me.
I felt so lonely and helpless. i came back and tried to sleep to rest myself a while, but my tears can't help falling down, my daughter wiped away for me which made me even more heartbroken.She is too young to bear all of this.
i thought over and over, but i don't know what to do.
pian yao!!: your husband is more foolish than that one who is called "husband of mine. he never beat my face! What is called real man?作者: sherbrooke 时间: 2003-2-1 20:03
真的不敢想象，现在还有老公打老婆的事情？CALL911不太好，不是对你的老公不好，他下地狱都应该，关键是对孩子不好，所以，还是不要CALL911了。可是，离婚吧，不和睦的家庭对孩子的影响也会很大的。再有，孩子是很重要的，但是我们连自己的人格和尊严都不能捍卫，又怎能给自己的孩子以榜样呢？
what you said encouraged me and remind me of the result it will cause to my kid. The traditions, township and family traditions will influence a kid's ideolegy so strongly. Both my husband and me have our own different traditions. I'm from a traditional family, my mother and grandmother taught me to "cong yi er zhong" my mother said to me, there is nobody divorce in our large family. i'm the eldest in the third generation. she often pursaded me to see on the face of my kid, try to give her a whole family.
On the other hand, his idea is quite different. That new year when he beated me in his parent's home, i asked his mother whether her husband ever beated her, her reply quite surprised me. "Why not beat? which man don't beat theri wife in our village? otherwise, how to take control?" So she thinks man beat woman is a matter of course! Thay's why every time he was so "li zhi qi zhuang"when beating me before his mother and sisters. one more thing, in his mind, wife is nothing. he said to me more than once that"He cares only those who have blood relation with him. he takes no care of others except them." when i asked him how about his brothers in law, he said he treat them good only because they have relation with his sisters.I am after his brother in las. So "qin ren"and "cherich"are too luxurious for me. He even said before one of our friend when we quarreled before him"Once we divorce, she goes her way, i go mine. we don't know each other any more!" and he often said to me"Think is well, once we divorce, i will have no relation with you. so think it over!" I can't express myself clearly and to the point. what i want to say is tradition, what one sees in his childhood is so powerful printed in one's mind and will influence his whole life. but i was so foolishly convincing myself that those words are spoken when we were quarrelling, not his real thinking!
I say this only because those words of yours reminded me of the importance of a living environment for a child. I suddenly became awaken.
those sisters suggested me fight against. yes, i tried. But try to imagine: he is 20cm taller than me and strong. Once when we quarrelling, he was cutting something with a pair of sicous(jian dao), that kind used by a tailor, long and large. He threw it at me. the only thing i can do is to hide myself behind the door. Then i found the door was cut off a piece by the front of the siscious.Every time when i see he shake his fists before me i ran away try to avoid. i remember once he pulled me from bed to the ground and kicked me before my daughter, the only thing i can do is cry for help. Oh, my mind and my fingers are trembling so much when i typing.作者: Meng 时间: 2003-2-2 13:38
What a stupid woman you are? Just call 911 next time he beats you or separate with him right now!作者: dioudiou 时间: 2003-2-2 13:47
To 有苦难言：
我不知道你现在在乎什么？是面子还是孩子的幸福，你自己的幸福？还是对他的感情？这样没有尊严的生活只会让你孩子生活在恐惧之中。Call 911也是你的一个权利，他打人也是必须付出代价，因为没有男人可以这样对待妻子的。你害怕让孩子看到父亲被警察带走不是吗？但也要让孩子知道，做错事的后果！害怕离婚后生活没有着落？只要你肯干，没有事会真的难倒你的。作者: 迂腐 时间: 2003-2-2 14:18
有苦难言就别言。既然自己愿意忍受这样的生活，就默默地忍受吧，熬吧，再熬个三四十年也就熬过去了。
你到底为谁活着呢？好好想想。上帝会保佑你的。 eek!作者: Lord 时间: 2003-2-2 14:25
To有苦难言：
But I don't know how to do. what are the procedures?
we don't have any money to share. the only "cai chan"is my daughter.
Sister Pian Yao, how are you? i sent you a letter, but not receive your reply. I'm worrying about you be beated again by that man.
Show up if you are ok.or find a public computer.作者: 有苦难言 时间: 2003-2-2 14:57
yes, though my mother never went to their home, but she noticed that he didnot know the"ji jie" when he came to my home. my mother didn't agree with the marrage from the very beginning. At first we didn't work in the same city, and my mother's reason was we did not work in the same place would cause numerous problems in the future life because she experienced teh hardship of not working in the same city. But then he was transfered to the city i work, and she found that might be the arrangement of "liao tian ye" she agreed reluctantly.
God knows why i was so foolish at that time.But the real conflict was after we had teh baby who is a girl.作者: eva_juo 时间: 2003-2-2 16:18
挂911？ 有多少人能挂啊？ 丈夫，毕竟是有感情，你爱他才结婚的~！ 不是么？ 爱他，就舍不得挂911了。 想一想，忍一下就过去了。 离婚？ 舍得离么 ？ 婚都结了~ 你爱他啊~！ 虽然离婚很普遍，但是，下得了决心的人很多么？ 现在他对你不好，你做不了决定，等一会，他又对你好了~！ 你就更下不了决心了，所以我说啊，其实也没什么有损尊严的~！ 自己心爱的人，没办法啊~~~ 再说了，还有孩子的话，那就更没法离了~~作者: hhocauestc 时间: 2003-2-2 17:08
you ku nan yai
i enjoy your character, you are so docile that i will back to china to find a lady like you作者: bihappy 时间: 2003-2-2 22:17
hihi, happy new year princess, you are as mean as before... :p be nicer please..
to 有苦难言": you should think of future seriously: Do you still love your husband and if you are willing to stay with him for your whole life? You have the right to live for yourself in this free country. So you have to make a decision! If you don't want to stand him any more, you can separate and move out first to see if he can be nicer to u.
As for your daughter, I understand your feeling, however, you should make her understand that it's not your fault if you choose to leave your husband. In canada, even beating children is not allowed (opposite to china). It's the most unreasonable thing for a husband to beat his wife.作者: sweet bee 时间: 2003-2-3 00:32
我告诉你一个成长在那样家庭的孩子的心情，就算这辈子什么都不缺，就算父母都她再好都是没用的。看着母亲被打没感觉的孩子，你养了也白养。如果有感觉，那么你每次被打的时候你的孩子都在伤心，如果你也心疼，那么就应该负起一个母亲的责任去解决问题。因为你不解决对她是没好处的，如果孩子有血性些，迟早会有家庭战争的，那时候很有可能是你丈夫送她去警察局。那是你选错的男人，最后却要她去结束那个错误，很不公平的。即使最保守的估计，在那样的环境长到，是学不会很好的和异性相处的，没有信任感，没有家庭安全感。
我不想抱怨什么，母亲为我付出了很多，甚至那样的家庭也是她认为抱拳下来对我的成长比较有利的，可事实上错了，不过生活就是这样的，他们现在年纪都大了，远在万里外，我还是会担心妈妈，还是会听到偶尔不管她怎么掩饰都有的委屈，我心里还是会很难受，可那是她的生活，她有选择的权利。可不要说那是因为我，我不需要的，做女儿的都不需要的，那不是一个好的家庭环境，也不是好的教育方式，也是没必要的牺牲。这些话我从来没和妈妈说过，因为牺牲都有了，我还能说什么，唯一能做的就是努力些，让她在我这里有满足。快30年过去计较什么都晚了，可你还年轻吧，不要再让你的孩子再继续我的悲剧了，生活该怎么就怎么，没有人可以不尊重别人，违背规则应该受到惩罚，家应该有爱，也应该有原则。不要在你孩子身上重复我的悲剧。作者: xiedaomu 时间: 2003-2-3 00:44
你丈夫是不是中国人呀？我看不太象呀。好像阿拉伯人，你更象，有什么不敢离婚的。作者: 迂腐 时间: 2003-2-3 01:00
有苦难言，认真分析下大家的发言，为什么劝分的多，劝和的少？别当局者迷了。作者: 有苦难言 时间: 2003-2-3 06:55
Thanks everybody! I am concerning this problem seriously.
yes, i was always reflecting on myself to see whether i did something wrong or not proper, and often asked him to do so and often told him that life is a life long art, we have a lot to learn through the hardship and bitterness. i even pray to God help me find a right way to solve this problem without hurting too much my daughter, myself and even him.
Sweet bee, thanks for telling me your experience,it's so alert to me!作者: Baobei 时间: 2003-2-3 10:37
有时侯, 打人的人是自卑, 看来你颇有学识, 至少英文不错, 你"丈夫"(?) 感到你比他本事, 所以用打来要你听他的. 试试以柔制刚, 多讓他在家里做主, 在人前让他有点尊严,两人多沟通,男人都是要面子的.作者: superstar 时间: 2003-2-3 12:53
To You Ku Nan Yan:
After reading your story,I am very worry about you,and I can't believe in that you can live with this kind of man without thinking divorce with him.For me,I can't bear anyone in the world who has even beaten me except my parents,and I will leave someone who do something not nice right away even if he would be my husband,and never come back with him.In my opinion,everybody living in the world must be independent,that is not only to have a job for yourself and also to be firm in your heart,yet,something you are having in heart very bravely is the most important thing as well.If I were you,I would find out a chance to talk with my husband and ask him if he still like to keep the family with me.If so,I ask him never beat me again,and if not, I will divorce with him right away that I ask the court to permise my daughter living with me,and I don't care or afraid anything bad could be happened in future,because I am independence and working in weekdays,and I also never mind if he work in the same unit as the one where I am working,because he doesn't have any relationship with me after divorce and he won't have any right to focus on my business or my future life.I am student here and not working,however,I am very confidence and I think of that I will have a very good future if I keep my heart to be firm not matter whether you are here or in China.Anyway,you are not alone unhappy here and I like to talk with you or go somewhere together when you need.You can write me to my e-mail box,'winlife2002_2003@yahoo.com'.Hope to hear from you soon.Please be happy. 作者: superstar 时间: 2003-2-3 13:10
You should always believe in yourself as what I do usually.Please think about your daughter and you have to make a decision very soon,for both of you two,and I am sure that you can take good care for your daughter by yourself if you divorce with the man who you should throw away many years ago.Don't mind his relatives,his parents,his sister or someone who has the same blood with him if they are not nice to you and if they never respect you,and you can them do the same.Believe me S.V.P.,the only person you can depend on and you can trust except your parents is yourself.You could be feel pain if you are divorced because you have been with each other for many years,on the other hand,the one who you have even loved before had already changed and he is not the one who is not valuable anymore for you to stay,to love or to live with.Please forget about him and thinking more for your daughter and your future life that she is waiting for you giving her a nice life together. 作者: big-brother-big 时间: 2003-2-3 13:24
This stinky forum is full of psycho.作者: discovery 时间: 2003-2-3 13:46
八种丈夫,您的丈夫是哪种？
2001-08-15 15:46:48 来源:千龙新闻网
此种丈夫就知道挣钱，埋头工作，哗哗地往家里拿“银子”，是妻子的经济靠山。绝大部分时间都在外面奔波，回到家里，显得比较劳累，一副功臣的样子，常常需要妻子精心伺候，帮助脱衣服、端茶倒水、递筷夹菜、铺床叠被，妻子倒也心甘情愿。作者: superstar 时间: 2003-2-3 14:53
to discovery:
I prefer to the second one. :confused: :confused: :confused:作者: discovery 时间: 2003-2-3 15:02
2 superstar:
since i used to be a teacher........... 作者: superstar 时间: 2003-2-3 15:16
to discovery:
How about number 7 and how about yourself. :confused: :confused: :confused:作者: discovery 时间: 2003-2-3 15:21
no.7 fits me perfectly!!! :rolleyes: :rolleyes:作者: hhocauestc 时间: 2003-2-3 16:20
再丑的女性都有人追，在美国别谈爱情
因而，如果發生夫婦不和的情形時，最好是透過第三者進行溝通，或夫婦兩人都參加一些夫婦和諧促進班或一些教會，佛堂等提供的家庭輔導活動。假如婚姻無法仍無法維持，應好合好散，通過合法、理智的方法來辦理離婚手續。經過家庭暴力刑事案件程序的人士，都會後悔當初。“前車之鑑，後事之師”，在美國，老婆是打不得的！作者: haowuliao 时间: 2003-2-4 13:54
为什麽挨打呢？打是疼 ，骂是爱？作者: 有苦难言 时间: 2003-2-4 19:44
Really thanks to all the friends who are so patient in writing such long articles to me! Thank you for your concern!
I went to work as usual these days, and really out of energy.
Superstar, I admire and respect your courage and the spirit of independence. As you said, we never seperated since our marrage. Though everytime I went out to make myself calm, i went back after he went to work, because there was nobady took care of my baby. But he is really too "jue qing"! He never managed to look for me or even make a phone call to my friend's home even he know i was there. And he has been forcing me to make this decision.作者: superstar 时间: 2003-2-5 20:13
To You Ku Nan Yan:
I will always be in your side and you can contact me by e-mail anytime to 'winlife2002_2003@yahoo.com' if you want to talk to me.I am in Montreal now and which city you are in Canada?
Take care and be happy everyday. 作者: celibate 时间: 2003-2-5 22:43
觉得“有苦”姐妹非常有趣，大家劝了你那么久，你还是老样子，难道你是孩子吗？任由自己的懦弱和惯性牵着鼻子走，恨难想象你已是一位母亲，很抱歉说这样的话，但觉得你似乎只是怨天尤人地为自己的却懦辩护，可就是没有考虑到孩子的利益。
2/ 你担心一个人带孩子经济上撑不下去？
----当你恢复自由，恢复自尊，你的天空将会蔚蓝一片。我坚信：母爱的力量可以战胜一切困难！因为我也是母亲。我愿意在经济上帮助你。VIVIAN10292000@YAHOO.CA作者: yide 时间: 2003-2-8 21:32
她是祥林嫂,劝是没有用的,只有让她自己疯掉.作者: 有苦难言 时间: 2003-2-8 22:22
Oh, I know, i know many friends are worrying about me. I really appreciate it!
I'm OK. I realized at last that seperation is the only solution to set us free and to give a peaceful life to my kid.
To Mr.210, you are a real gentleman!作者: henri 时间: 2003-2-9 22:02
Hi! Let me tell u this. Ur situation could be very dangerous if u could thinkseriously. U need to be responsible for ur daughter if not for uself. The man who abuses never stops until something serious happens.He treat u like an animal ( or as an object at best)deep in his mind. He has no ability to control himself actully. Abuse has become a habbit , a life style to him. I know a girl almost died of this kind of relation and finally got devorced. She is almost exactly the same as ur situation. Again, what i like to say that ur situation could be very dangerous.
Do not talk too much on this site. If u hv time , pls come to related sites to check related information about woman abuse. It would educate u that u r hopelss if u keep on with this life. U need to escape befor u r seriously hurted.
As to ur daughter, pls understand it is the only choice and the best choice under ur family situation. NEVER EVER EXPOSE UR CHILD TO VILOENCE!!! It will ruin her life. In Canada, it is very serious to expose kids to family abuse cuz it hurt the kid psyologically.U r hurting ur daughter actully.
I understand it is hard for u to change ur life, but u hv to. If not , pls leave him for the sake of ur daught.
Stop complaining and enjoying the pain. Believe or not , many women r experencing the same as u r, no matter how well educated she is and how beatiful or how high social stutus she is or she is white or chinese. Family abuse is nothing new. It is the all the same and universal . It is human nature of some men.But women seldom talk.
Good luck.作者: 有苦难言 时间: 2003-2-9 23:50
Hi, henri,
I know it's dangerious! my kid is so alert to any sign of quarrelling! Today, when i talked with my kid, she told me everyday when she got off the school bus she was wondering whether we were quarelling again. I was so sad when i heard of this. A family without safety is worth nothing to her. i will get rid of it as soon as possible!
can you tell me the related sites? Of course I will check on internet.作者: yaoyao 时间: 2003-2-10 02:29
认真地看了这个帖子,没有想到现在还有这样的事,很是震惊.
你总要走出来,总要面对!作者: 枫叶2003 时间: 2003-2-12 17:51
不知道你看过大家给你发的帖子之后有没有清醒一点?作为旁观者我是已经气愤的不行了.
我真的不明白你还有什么可顾虑的?谁不渴望真正的爱情,你甘心这样过一辈子?即使是为了你孩子,他在这样的环境下成长就会幸福?你不担心的幼小心灵会扭曲?还是你个人没有足够的条件供养孩子?法律是可以帮助你的啊.
还有如果你不想失去这个家的话,从新站起来,换个活法试试,告诉她你是人,不是他的宠物想疼的时候疼,想打的时候打,极力维护你自己的权益,不过我想他可能悔改的可能性几乎没有了!!那就离吧,解放你自己,你一样可以生活的很好.作者: 世风日下 时间: 2003-2-12 20:30
俗话说“可怜之人必有可恨之处”。 eek!作者: henri 时间: 2003-2-12 21:43
Hi! My suggestion is this: call police at least once when u r attacked again. This is very important to u if u really think of it : in case when u file devorce u will hv the right to hv ur daugher with u if police has his abuse history record. Court will not in favour of man with abuse history.In the other hand , once sth bad happens u will hv at least some evidence record favourable to u. U do not worried ,that does not mean he will be in jail for u can bail him out.
Also, warning is nessasary for him. If u already hv citzenship , just put him in jail. At least for 1 week. U will know it is good to protect u and ur daughter in the long run.
I may find some website for u and forward to u.作者: Cystal 时间: 2003-2-13 00:29
well, it is terrible that things like this happens!! I just watched the movie "Enough" a few weeks ago; it illustrates the same thing. The only way for the woman is fight back when she couldn't stand any more, although the ending is a little bit violent.作者: 风云之颠 时间: 2003-2-13 12:01
without any reason? he beated you?
anyway, even with reasons, he shouldn't do that.作者: veterinarianNo1 时间: 2003-2-13 12:09
性格就是命运。
如果她不是这般的优柔寡断，何尝会让她LG一而再，再而三地暴粗得手后不知所措呢？她到这里发贴子，无非是挨LG第N次打后，排解一下这第N次的郁闷。接下来，她还会像N－1，－2，－3，...次那样 ，给自己足够不能离开他的理由，等待着第N＋1，＋2，＋3...次的动武。她发贴子的目的在于发泄，试想一下谁挨完打后心里没一股怨气，LG又不给安抚。她的目的不是讨教主意，而且 她要有主见的话，早知道该干什么了，还用得着发贴吗。 eek! eek! eek!作者: susychang 时间: 2003-2-13 17:00
You Kuo Nan Yan. I understand your feeling, I have the same experience as yours. My husband hit me, not beat, just hit me two times. I hated him so much and wanted to share my pain with the Tongbao. But I was not so brave as you. It is a shame for a man to hit or beat his wife. But later I realized that I made him do so by saying dirty words at him expressing my resent. I understood his feeling. After negotiation, we became an ideal couple.
Calm down. The friends here have good intention. But they are outsiders, I think you can decide what to do.作者: susychang 时间: 2003-2-13 17:14
If you would like to exchang ideas, please emailme: susychang20002yahoo.com any time.作者: benny 时间: 2003-2-14 09:51
那天看篇文章，从一个男人的角度看，当这个男人第一次打女人的时候也许是内疚，但是如果有了第二次，那以后就会很难控制，而且会一次比一次严重，如果不是突然的心里开窍，那很难在收敛。所以。。。。。作者: henri 时间: 2003-2-15 22:45
Hi! guys,
It is hard for us common people understand a abused woman . Sometime we become suspiciousof the woman.Venting is no use.Cuz, we r not the battered after all. As matter as a fact, the public need to be educated in this matter . The parodox is the abused people and the common sense people will never reseach for a solution , they just vent themselves and when thing become the worst , it is already too late to do learn any thing.
Emotion can not sovle the problem. There r a site may be informative and educating.
You Kuo Nan Yan, u can refer to this site or, u can search other sites by ur own. U will find that the syptom is universal , there r a lot of similarities among the abuser and the abused pysologically. The diferece lays on how worse every individual case is. Some just put up with , some got kill accidentally by the habbit of the husband.U will find it helpful. U will find many abused ladies share the same feeling as u do.
:rolleyes: :rolleyes:
