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Bypass

            I had a dream. It was a dream that is not enchanting, nor sad or desperate. I saw the flesh, and blood, in various places, flesh and blood that is white and red, skull, brain. I was then half awake, half sleeping, I saw the Heaven. White doves flapped their wings, silence. Then angels sang Halleluiah. And the sky opened, it was pare and white, specifically, then I saw the immediate light, so light that is like the sunshine but purer. Angels sang Halleluiah again, then I became awake.

            I wore my pajama, and made myself a cup of coffee. Then I picked today’s newspaper from the front door. Sitting down, sipped coffee, and started to read, the murder headline, then Financial, and the Entertainment. I felt worried, for the business around the city. I turned into the kitchen, brought Whiskey, poured a cup, added some of it to my coffee from the cup. Then I drank the whole shot. I felt a little high.

            Outside of my door, rhododendron was blooming in my front garden, scarlet red. The path to front door is wet, it was raining for the morning. The concrete of the wall of my house is light gray, it stood still in the rain.

            I picked Playboy magazine after a little thought and bought a pack of Rothman in the Tobagi a couple blocks away from my home. Then I went into Provigo opposite the shop. I bought some groceries. It was still morning, about 10AM, then I put the grocery and the Playboy magazine in my car parking there in the parking lot.

            It wasn’t too bad, the TV program this morning. The View, I watched it a little, I often watch the View. At noon, it was the news, I turned the TV off and had a sandwich for the lunch, alone, myself.

            I was married a couple of years ago, to my wife from China. I was also from China about sixteen years ago to this place, Montreal, Canada. I studied and worked for a while, then married her when I was working in US. I quitted my job in the US and came back to Canada to sponsor her here. But when she came here, and found I don’t have a job and steady income, then she left me and went for her study here in Canada. She stayed.

            I was bored in the afternoon. I went on Internet to the chat room. Sometimes I really liked chat rooms, but also sometimes I found it makes little sense. I told my dream this morning to people in chat, you don’t know what they said. They said, “get a job”.; I had another cup of liquor, and started to read the Playboy magazine. I love women. Here they are, naked in front of me, on the magazine. I thought, there is no end of life; I am thirty six, separated. Time passed three, I had a nap, with the Playboy Magazine beside me on my bed.

            That was my day, seven days a week, 24 hours a day. I am just too tired. Too tired of everything, anything, marriage, love, religion and life. About five O’clock, I woke up. A sales man called me and offered me a vacation to Disney World package for ninety nie dollars, I said no. I urgently need to keep every cent of the welfare money I receive, when I receive it.

            Are there miracles in life? I expect it, I need to be saved. Bypassing the day like this does not make much sense, boring and dull, drought, and liquor. I remembered the dream I had this morning. Did God came to save my soul? But still it is, my life went on like this for years. I have no hope. Hope……., hope is the only medicine, I expect, God, how can it be? My life…….

            I am a Christian, baptized thirteen years ago in a local Montreal church, when I was still in the university. My school days wasn’t too bad, life was hopeful by the time. I tried to become good in my church, Bible study groups, attending Sunday services. I used to dress always in suit to attend the Sunday services, never in jeans. And I never missed Sunday service when I was young. I think God loved me by that time, even though I smoked a lot, nearly a pack of cigarettes a day. I was passionate for church activities.

            Dreadful, my life now. The only thing I liked in my life now is that I read quite often. Fiction and poetry are my true love. I started to write when I was thirty three, with whole many years of reading experiences and writing workshop from the church I attended in California. I especially attended the writing workshop.

            Now after dinner, at eight. I sat down in front of my desk and my computer. I started to write, my experience and my story, poetry. I suddenly felt that I am hopeful, I can become a good writer. I looked at my desk lamp, the light is warm and shiny, then I thought about it. I turned my thoughts into words, sentences, urgently. Yes, I can write.

            Night came fast, I was still sitting in front of my desk, writing. Now it is the time for bed. Should I say prayer to God before I go to bed? I thought about the dream again, maybe God was really coming to save my soul? Yes, save my soul, God, please, I will be good. I thought God can create miracles.

            The nest morning, I passed the cemetery near Henri Bourassa, I especially went in to see the people buried there. May they rest in Heaven, I thought. I lighted a cigarette, and sat on the chair in the cemetery, and then rested in thoughts.