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xhu · 发表于 2009-7-21 10:19

When Jesus Dies

Sha Yan

Marc is a hard and decent man, 28, single. He is a faithful Christian baptized in a local church. He has a sharp edged face, and his cheek bone formed a “V” shape at the bottom showing the curve line. His nose is straight with strong and dull nose bone on the top, and his nose tip is a little red showing slightly pink skin and flesh, just like a ripe cherry. Marc has a girl friend, Cherry, 24 living alone without her parents. Cherry is not a Christian, and Marc thinks someday to convert her.

“Sin……..” pastor raised his tone when he talked about sin in the Sunday worship service, and Marc well listened to his talk while sitting on the bench in the church. He prayed for Cherry and him, and for her to become a Christian, so they can get married easily.

One day after Sunday worship, Marc went to work with his fullest energy prominently. Marc always tried to work hard. One colleague ask him, "did Jesus heal your sin? We went to the dance club last Friday. Remember." Marc simply replied to him, "dancing is not such a sin. I did not even realize such action commit anything that is not holy. Of course, it can not be holy too." Yes, they went to dance club and Cherry went along with them. Of course dancing is not a sin, Marc thought still.  When Marc went to his cubical and turned on his computer, an Internet message popped up and displayed a naked woman in front of him superficially. That day, he could not work much and he thought a lot of these kinds of things, such as sin and holiness. He called Cherry and talk to her over the phone about the scene he saw on the computer. Cherry laughed.

The second weekend came along. Marc was like usual, went with his colleagues to a beer pub after work. After a couple of beers, Marc's colleagues went on to a peep show pub, called him to come along. Marc did not know where they would go. He figured that they are going to the dance club again, and he wouldn't mind to dance with them. It is not a sin, he thought. That night Marc did not drink anymore and went home early. He went on to sleep after he got home. He thought it was good that Cherry did not go along with them to the peep show. Marc was innocent and he wished Cherry would be as innocent as an angel.

Marc thought about it, his colleagues must have been kidding with him. They knew he is a Christian. Marc thought he had committed a sin by looking at women naked in front of him in the peep show club. After that night, he started to think about women, and Cherry, and he started to have sex fantasies.

      The colorful flowers are blooming wildly in Marc’s garden, red, blue, yellow. Marc especially had a garden and sometimes he took care of the plants in it. It was raining for the day, and the pathway towards his front door is imminently wet and slippery. The rain dripped from Marc’s roof top, “di…….di……” and they landed on the ground pitching the small sound. It was on Saturday and Marc was annoyed by the rain dripping that day and could not concentrate on what he was doing.

Sunday morning, Marc went to the church.  Pastor said as always, “SIN…..” Marc silently prayed to God during the Sunday service, and wish God responds to his prayer.

On the coming Monday, when Marc went to the office. His colleagues did not talk to him. After he sit down in front of his computer, turned it on, he did not see the Internet message again. He worked very well for the day, and after, the whole week. When Friday night comes, he did not go with his colleagues to the pub. He could not forget the experience he had in the peep show club in the last weekend, He went alone to a different pub near his home himself. He called Cherry to join him. They drank a lot that night. When Sunday morning comes, Marc went to the church again, and the pastor as well said, “SIN………”

Marc thought about Jesus when he died on the cross silently, and he called, “Father, save me……..” There is no response from God for Marc. Marc is disappointed, silently.

      After it went fine, a new week went just finely. Friday came, Marc went out with Cherry to the beer club that night until it was very late again. Cherry asked him to accompany her home. They walked home. And Cherry mentioned last time Marc talked about the naked woman he saw on the Internet. Marc did not say anything. They went to Cherry’s apartment for tea, as Cherry insisted. In the tea session, Cherry stood up, and took off her jacket since she felt it was very hot.

      In Cherry’s apartment, there was a single red ripe rose in a white and blue decent porcelain vase. The red rose is wildly blooming, left some petals scattered around the vase on the table. The red rose left a black shadow under the light.

It was mid-summer night. Marc felt very hot too. So he took off his coat silently since it is hot, and as he saw Cherry took off her jacket and he felt arouse in him. He became red faced, urgently. Who could believe that, Marc was a virgin, and Cherry, it seemed she had sex experiences. She saw Marc’s red face, and she tried to calm him down. And later still she took off her blouse, and Marc felt faintly all the sudden, he tried to stop her. Cherry did not seem want to stop. He took off her bra deliberately. Marc felt so arouse in his sex, still red faced. Now Cherry is half naked in front of Marc, and said to him,

“That’s what you saw, baby, now look at me…….”

Marc did not say anything, felt amazed. He looked at her breast, with her nipples tipped up red just like red cherry. He was so amazed and wondered what  Cherry would do next. No, wait a moment, Marc thought, “I am a Christian, Christians are not supposed to have sex before marriage.” Marc remembered teachings from the church.

“Come to me, Marc.” Cherry said with a welcoming tone.

Marc tried to refuse Cherry, but he really couldn’t. It seemed women had power over men, especially on sex, and lots of times, elsewhere in their lives. Marc silently prayed to God, and called, “oh, God, save my soul.” Then he tried to touch Cherry’s body and her white little breast.

That Friday night. Marc and Cherry had sex. After they had sex, Cherry simply said, “so what, we had sex. Don’t you just like it. “ And Marc said with his red face, “yes, Cherry, it was amazing.”

Yes, Cherry had been good to Marc. Like listening to him, whatever he wanted to say, nearly obeying his wills, as always. She simply wanted them to have a happy life together. She tried to be a little bossy after that Friday night. She tried to point around Marc for his direction, and she tried to possess Marc.

In turn Marc could not refuse her wills. He tried to confront Cherry. And he thought, “I committed such a Sin, but I still wanted Cherry to be a Christian.” He prayed silently, “yes, God, tell me I am not dead yet.” Marc thought, maybe next time, I would be able to resist temptations.

But Marc couldn’t. He still regularly went to church, and pastor always said, “SIN……..” Marc found pastor had been very boring when he talked about the Sin.

Marc and Cherry had sex again and again, sometime weekdays, sometimes weekends, either in Marc’s apartment or Cherry’s.

Marc thought about it, sex with Cherry and the sin. He has no will to be against church or something like that, and he has no will to be against church teaching as well. He thought, “I committed such a sin, will God forgive me.” And he thought about his will to convert Cherry to Christian and he shook his head. It seemed God did not respond to him, and it seemed Jesus is dead. Marc is disappointed again and he thought, “Cherry has been good to me, oh, Cherry.” He thought someday when the time came, he might ask Cherry for marrying him. And they could build a family together and have a happy life together. He remembered the rose he saw in Cherry’s apartment when they had sex for the first time. He was amazed by Cherry’s attitude towards him.

I will stop here. A bright eye can see the end. Yes, one of my friends asked me when I told the story, "what happened to Marc then?" I said, "he never went to church again ever since. Jesus is dead for him.”