OK so before we get started, this is gonna be long. Very long. You've been warned. Oh, and it's all real.
Last summer, when I had my heart crushed, my sister reminded me of her first love. "Remember "M"? Well, he crushed my heart too, but after I met " " I realized that "M" was my preparation for "", that he was a way of getting to know myself, to have confidence... Maybe that guy was your "M"."
Actually, big sis, you already know parts of that story, I have... 10 "M". I may seem as stuck up as you, but really, I'm not. I'm kind of a slut in disguise. (Please read the entire story before emailing me for casual encounters.)
The 10 of them all teached me something...
#1. Well of course, he was my first love. So with him I learned how to give head, how to have sex, the works. I also learned that I shouldn't be with a guy more sensitive than me. I need to cry my heart out sometimes, but when the guy cries too often my maternal optimistical self turns over and I have to be the strong one, so I can't cry, and at some point I just stop caring. I dumped him on Christmas Eve. I guess I learned not to do that either: Since he lived 250 kms away, I had to bear with him until 11 AM the next morning so that he could return home safely. Always dump when you can leave quickly and safely.
#2. That one is a bit special. I know underage kids can't read the R&R, so please make sure the message goes to them. Girls, I know prom is coming up. Don't get drunk on that after-prom. And if you do, any comment a guy can do about your boobs being magnificent is only in the hopes to get him some. In my case, he got a blow job. And I lost my stuck-up girl reputation. In high school I was known as the girl who didn't drink, swear, smoke pot or have sex, even though I did it all before I turned 15. Weird reputation. I guess I gained a form of respect over that story, everytime I go back to my hometown and I cross paths with someone who's heard that story, I CAN TELL. Like, "I know you can be kinky". Funny. And let's not forget that 2 himself, when he sees me, goes all crazy for me, buying me drinks and looking at me like I'm that special thing. Go fuck yourself, 2, I'll never fall for that one again. At least not with you.
3. Well, in fact I dumped 1 so that I could be with him. I had a huge crush on him. I was 17. I lacked self-confidence (I still do, but trust me, it was way worse at 17.) 3 went to my high school, and a few weeks after the prom he started stopping at my place to see me once in a while. I thought it was a proof he liked me. maybe 3 months after the prom story, he was at my place and told me about how 2 would tell that story, it was of course completely wrong (As if I'd go to a random guy and ask him if he wants a blow job, like that, out of the blue...) Anyway, I ended up having sex wih him too. Advice, ladies: Great abs does not make for great sex. Awful. He didn't do ANYTHING. But I had such a crush on him that I put up with it, and a few months later I... I don't know, I guess he got sick of me, he stopped returning my calls, and I lost track of him. I still thought of him very often, I googled his name, I asked about him to a few people. Nothing. I'm over it now, but again, that's another story.
4. I was totally not over 3, so what better way to get over someone than to go out with a distant friend, ugly as fuck, who's never had a girlfriend and never had sex and was a truck driver? First time we had sex, it was in South Carolina. In his truck. The the 2nd time in Georgia. Then in Florida. I think the first time we had sex in Qu閎ec we had been having sex for 3 weeks in random places, in his truck... Was kinda funny. But he was stupid and inconsiderate. I guess I learned I needed someone who respected me, not only in front of my family (he made fun of me, in an embarassing way, the first time he met my dad. Big mistake. They still make fun of you, a-hole.), or in front of his own family (The importance of genetics: If the dad, the mom, and the 2 older brothers are stupid as fuck and illiterate, the little brother is gonna be too!) but also in private (Farting on me while I sleep to wake me up is NOT funny.) Lesson learned when my mom had cancer and he whined we had to go back to my place the night she was told. Yes, you a-hole, I want to be with my mom tonight, I don't want to eat pizza and watch a bad movie with you.
Outch.
5. It's so cool when your next fuckfriend is 1's best friend. It was the first friend I had in Montreal, we would meet at my place once in a while to have sex. However, I learned that I wasn't made for that kind of deal... which didn't stop me from concluding another one later...!
Then, a year after 5, I was sick of not having any, so I got back with 4. Yeah, big mistake. He was still as bad in the sack as before (if not worse) and he was still not the brightest tool in the shed. He still liked to embarass me and disrespect me in public, though. Some things never change.
Then came 6. That was a year after I broke things off with 4 for the second time. In other words, again, I had another year of not desired abstinence. On my 21st birthday (wow, that was less than a year ago) I went out with my friends and I met a friend of a friend and well, a few hours later we were going at it in his downtown apartment. Hey, my first one-night stand! I learned that I should have left at 4 in the morning when he fell asleep. The morning after was just awkward.
7. That one is my own Hollywood romantic comedy. I was shopping downtown last August, and it was the Francofolies, and I wanted to see Vincent Caza, so I waited around for his show... I sat on the staircase of the Place des Arts and this cute British guy started talking to me... He was really beautiful and funny and damn his accent when he said my name, it would make me melt. We decided to walk all the way up to the Mont-Royal, then we walked down to my C魌e-Des-Neiges apartment. That basically mean 3 hours walking with a cute British guy. we kissed right before he left for his hotel room... Then we spent the next two days together, we went to the Old Montreal (I can't believe I had never gone there in the first 2 years I spent in Montreal!) and stuff like that... We ended up having sex the night before he left Montreal. What I learned: Having sex on the edge of the bathtub seems really cool in theory, but it's not that fun in reality. But 7 was way more than a sex story. He was the one who made me realize the true importance of being who you are, of being respected. He was 32, I had just turned 21. He made me realize that digits are not important. For the first time in my life I felt like an adult, not just a 15-year-old girl trapped in a 21-year-old woman's life. It made me grow up. It also broke my heart to see him leave and go back to England. That's when my sister told me he was a preparation. I didn't quite believe it at the time.
Then came 8. 8 was a dream becoming a nightmare. We had three dates together. At first he was charming, if not a wee bit too insistant. I met him on the good ole' Internet, and he wanted to meet right away. I delayed the first date a bit, but he was sweet so we had two other dates. On the third one, well... He absolutely wanted to come to my place to "sleep". "Alright, but we won't have sex tonight. I'm not ready for that" "Yeah it's okay." We're back at my place, and I immediately put on my pajamas and turn the lights off. "Already?" he asks. Well yeah, you know I have school tomorrow morning and I had warned you before that we were going to sleep... What were you thinking? He starts kissing me and rubbing me and everything, and he just wants to have sex so much he can't refrain from getting my PJ's off, licking me, the works... AND HE STICKS HIS GODDAMN PENIS RIGHT INSIDE ME! I can't believe it. I'm kind of being raped, without protection, without taking the pill, right there in my own bed. I still shudder when I think about i, but my next move was to push him off me, go grab a condom, so that at least I wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant (I'm not on the pill - another long story.) I should have kicked his butt, but he had had a few beers, was very big and I was afraid he would beat me if I didn't do what he wanted. I can't quite remember if I let him enough time to come or if I stopped him before that. After he still wanted to cuddle. I felt so bad. I actually cried while he was sleeping next to me. I kicked him out at 5:30 AM saying I wanted my last hour of sleep before I had to get up for school. What I learned: If a guy is too insistant right from the start, he will always be insistant. I should have respected my limits. I should have done something. And I totally understand what they mean when they say rape victims feel guilt. It was not technically a rape but I still felt guilty, used, tainted after that experience. Drama, drama, drama. I'm over it now, though.
9 was a most welcomed change after all that. I went to a party at my big sis place, maybe a month after 8. I came into her house, and there was this guy up the stairs, in the kitchen, he turned and looked at me with such intensity... I was intimidated... We started talking, fate put us together for the Playstation hockey tournament, we pathetically lost all our games but one... It was fun. I slept alone on the living room's sofa, he slept downstairs in the basement with all the others. At 6 AM he came upstairs, stood up next to the sofa and watched me sleep for a few minutes, I woke up and there he was. It was weird yet charming. Without a word he leaned on me and kissed me. Best kiss ever. The sun rising, not a sound in the house, and we're kissing and grabbing each other through our clothes... He gave me his phone number. He finally came to Montreal maybe a month after that, I was getting in love with him but he wasn't ready to commit. BEST SEX EVER. He was freaky and I liked it. When I went to his place, in Qu閎ec city, a month after he came to mine, he tied me to his bed. Crazy. 9 taught me it was okay to be a little slut in bed, it's okay if I like sex, and I'm not a bad person because of that (damn double standard teaching girls their sexuality is wrong, and it's not okay to listen to your desires and blah blah blah...) He also teached me I needed a real relationship and I couldn't deal with non commitment anymore. I'm worth more than that. I would have been very, very happy to commit with him, but it wasn't meant to be.
10 happened between the two times I saw 9. 10 was one of my best friend through high school and c間ep, but we hadn't seen each other in a long time, until last December when he finally admitted he's gay. Very long story short, back in the day he was with my best friend and treated her like shit - I was mad with him because of that and that's why we hadn't seen each other in two years. When he admitted he was gay we finally understood why he had been so mean... So we got back to being friends... And one night we were at my mom's place (alone) and he started grabbing my boobs... "Hey, 10, aren't you gay?" one thing led to another and we had sex, it was really funny... I'll probably the last girl in his life though. I haven't learned anything from that one, it was only a fun way to lose a few other points to the purity test...!
And hmmmm... When I realized nothing would ever come up from 9, I was kinda crushed. I thought to myself that maybe, maybe I'm not supposed to have a real relationship, maybe love is not for me. I'll stick to bad sex relationships that doesn't work from now on.
I went back to the Internet on one lonely Friday night, and that's how I met 11. I hate to give him a number, since he's basically the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've been with him since January now. I've never loved someone that much. He's loving, he's funny, he's intelligent, he's sexy as hell and well, the sex would be even better than with 9 if it wasn't for the health problems I have right now. Almost done, though. He happily calls me his little slut when we're in bed. When I was sick he took me in his arms and let me cry while he was hugging me and stroking my hair. he's just the sweetest thing ever. So yeah, sista, you were right. I found my "", after 10 "M". |
发表于 2006-4-19 17:16
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