bigmount

我和他的距离是生长背景不一样，观念不一样所导致的，而且这是无法改变的，并且有了这些差距时我会思考，而他却不会，因为他不认为这是件重要的事。我的计划在进行着，我的故事在继续着。。。。

SanHaoJie

There are a lot of good marriages, including those of many people I know. Clearly yours is not.
We all need to look back at how we got in and why we have gone so far and still keep going.  We have probably all changed our expectations along the way.  Or probably in some way we have all encouraged / contributed to the problem as it is today.  This is not to lay blames on anyone but to hope people to truly learn something and grow from here.  If you don’t judge other divorced people, you shouldn’t be overly concerned about being judged for your own possibility of separation.  It’s even shallower to worry about how people would say who has sponsored whom, and so on.  

If you are not enjoying the mistreatment from your husband and then sympathy from rest of us, I don’t see any reason that you don’t take actions to correct the situation or get out of there.  There is nothing glory, or deep, or moral about being a victim, being in pain, being passive or being tragic.  

Let me go directly to what I suggest you to do without dwelling on this misery any longer.

1.        Have an open and direct talk with your husband.  This simplest part is ironically often the hardest part for a lot of Chinese.  You will have to clear your own mind and actually sit to write down, item by item, what you truly want from him and from this marriage, emotionally, physically, and financially.  Your expectations will have to be clear, definite (no back-off) and specific.  Of course you will have to mentally prepare yourself.  If you are ready but still have problem to sort out this list, I wouldn’t mind helping you personally.

2.        You will have to be truly prepared to walk away from this marriage if he doesn’t agree to give you what you want.  I can’t understand why people choose to stay in a marriage when there is no respect and care, men or women alike, except to prostitute themselves for economic purpose or for lack of courage/fear in themselves, especially when you are in a country where your basic living is promised.  

3.        You will ask him for the following when you eventually decide to leave –you will have to truly mean it, or even find yourself a lawyer through legal aid, if necessary:
a.        Half of the entire family asset: saving, investment, property, etc.
b.        An adequate amount of monthly payment, calculated according to his income, to support you until you can fully support yourself.

A lot of people in your life will not be respectful enough to automatically respect you.  Very often, you will have to ask for or demand that respect.  You don’t have any reason to be shy away from making these demands that you are entitled to.

May God bless you!

HUTUTU

木头，一个时尚浪漫的城市女孩，怀着对未来家庭的憧憬，和对异国他乡的好奇来到了MONTREAL，她说：“我的计划在进行着，我的故事在继续着。。。。 ”
结局一：继续当家佣当性奴。
木头的老公想，我辛苦了大半一辈，女人的亏没少吃，好不容易取了一个如花似玉的老婆，我可点看紧点。钱吗当然我自己存着。
木头想，这里人生地不熟，一下了子生活变化太快了，所有的东西都不是我想像的。加拿大，还不如我以前的城市，还有这公公婆婆每天闲着不做事，等着我放学回来烧饭，还每时每刻地监视我。老公，从来就没有情调。。。。。。怎么结婚会是这样？
木头每天最自由地时候，就是上网，还有躲在学校的卫生间大声地哭。。。。
木头想和老公说清楚，可是她突然发现自己怀孕了。公公婆婆突然对自己好起来，木头这下子心里有了安慰，毕竟我的公公婆婆还是不错了。十个月后，木头生了一个胖小子，可是公公婆婆又厉害起来，木头这下才明白，他们对自己好只是因为自己肚子里的孩子，这下孩子生下来，自己还是家佣，还是性奴。。。但是木头已经是木头，她已经没有了眼泪，她已经习惯了这种生活，只是原来在国内，每天自己会咯咯地笑，现在她已经好久没有笑了，因为她不知道笑。
结局二：木头和老公谈了，可是这个四十岁的男人，改变起来何其困难，“叫我给钱你，家里帐目公开，这不是要我的命。”木头的老公心想，他可没有那么傻，每天看着自己帐上的钱数目不断地增加，就是自己最大的乐趣。
木头绝望了，她决定逃。。。。
她读完COLLEGE，来到另一个城市，做起了自己的小生意。

HUTUTU

SANHAOJIE你的文笔很好，可是木头才来了半年，你最好写汉语呀。

bigmount

HUTUTU:你太低估我了，我是才来了半年，可是我是一个重点大学的优秀毕业生，当年也被免试保送了研究生，只是推荐专业实在是枯燥乏味，本人不愿做学术奴隶而放弃了做了公务员。你说我的实力会看不懂吗！
你的2个故事都不会发生在我的身上，因为我不是由人控制的我的故事的人，我会自己去写我的故事，而且目前很成功，所有的事情都在我的计划中发展，，，，，，

bigmount

SanHaoJie ：
You are warm-heated. Thank you for your advice.
But I feel so sorry that I won't do what u said because I know I couldn't get the result what we expected even if I have a talk with my husband. In his opinion, I am so young ,then by inference, I can't make the right decision on anything of life. Don't worry ,I feel confident that I can make a big change on my circumstances soon. Everything is going perfectly as I designed.

bigmount

HUTUTU，不要生气，我说的我不是个由人控制我的故事的人，不是指你，而是我的丈夫和公婆，他们控制不了我的，而且目前的 发展方向是我在控制着事态的发展，我在改些着他们的故事，3个月前我就计划好了，所以我不是个简单的人，在中国的工作期间让我成长不少，到加拿大这一朝更让我有长进。

STL

bigmount，要弄清楚，那个年薪七万跟你有什么关系？那个男人在你和钱之间，可能更爱钱！

我不同意有朋友的发言说你丈夫那样做可能是生活压力太大。我真想象不出年新薪七万的人会有什么生活压力，即使在这里供房供车，年新七万还是很轻松的。

还是那句话：消费观和生活观跟收入没关系！如果没猜错的话，你丈夫可能是下列人中的一种：1、上海人；2、偏远农村长大的；3、早年来的留学生。

ptf88

big mount: i'm sympathetic to you, and hope you'll be fine. when you get what you wanna get, don't forget to tell everybody who cares about you. good luck. and there's just one thing i don't understand: how come did your husband wanna marry with you?

bigmount

STL :   你说对了，这是个消费观的问题和收入无关系，即使他现在更有钱甚至发个大财，他的变化也不会多大，因为他是个酸味很足的人。而且危机感太足了，就怕睡觉起来后，没有饭吃了，要饿死了，他不知道这个社会已经发展到人不能只满足于温饱了。