inpursuit

Bid a farewell to my wife and kid, I came to this strange city lonely, in the hope I could build a rosy future for my family.  I am so naive and totally wrong, and what I have paid with hardship, homesickness and loneliness is just digging a tomb for my marriage.  She is just an onlooker and visitor, come here and back to China, back and come here.  She doesn’t like this city and the life here.  One day, I happened to know she is in love with a guy in China.  My hope is crushed, and my heart is bleeding.  The nest I built deliberately is getting ruined.  What I have strived for my family is gone with wind.  Marriage is just like a contract.  I am always trying to take all the responsibilities as a good husband and a father as the promise before our marriage.  But, just like an old saying goes, “a good man never get well repaid.”  I know very well their extra-marriage will get no any results.  What can I do, I am so perplexed like a boat drifting on the sea.  I don’t want to loose my beloved child, as he will surely go back to China with his mother if I get divorced.  I don’t want to complain, rebuke or abuse her. It’s all my fault, my fault, maybe at the very beginning, in the middle of my marriage, after my going abroad, and maybe my marriage itself is a very fault.  I am ready to take all the burden of loneliness, sadness, and hurt on my own shoulders without tears.  But my kid is innocent and I don’t want him to lose mother or father.  What can I do with my marriage, save or give up?????????????

wangminjiang

give up ur marriage, not ur child.

SanHaoJie

My heart goes out for you.  You seem to be a sincere and responsible man.  And you certainly have reasons to feel hurt.  Though pain is, unfortunately, a part of our life, the good news is that you will eventually come out of it and grow to be a better and happier person.  I wouldn’t suggest that you take on all the blames to yourself since you know that is not the fact.  

I would hope that you take a closer and more realistic look at your marriage, as you said, from the beginning up to now, to see if she is still lovable to you and your marriage (between you and her, excluding your child for now) worth saving.  If answers are yes, then you should learn to forgive her and do everything you can (including going back to China, if that’s a part of problems) to save this marriage.  If you have serious doubts in the foundation of this marriage and her characters, then you will have to learn to accept the truth and prepare to end the marriage.  Two persons build a family.  By taking on all the responsibilities, as you repeatedly mentioned, you have probably, though with all the good intentions, excluded her from all the major life decisions.  

As far as the child concerned, it’ll be the worst if he or she grows up in a family where there are no love, respect and harmony between mom and dad, not mentioning the infidelity.  If you allow the marriage stay the way it is now, you will not be able to provide him/her with the attention, care, discipline and guidance the child deserves, since you two will be so pre-occupied, divided and dishonest to your own integrity.  No matter whom the child is going to be with, both of you is forever his/her parents and he/she is not loosing any of you.  I firmly believe that how well a child grows up has little to do with how many parents he/she lives with.

May God bless you!

inpursuit

SanHaoJie:

多谢你的帖子， 我现在真是不知如何是好。或许真的是当局者迷，旁观者清。如果方便，你能否告诉我你的
e-amil,具体问题我想请教一下。

我的e-mail: inpursuitforever@hotmail.com

whoknowsxyz

C'est la vie, n'est pas? Perhaps divorce might be the best solution (and you might have no choice, so you'be better be prepared for it!). Remember time will heal the wounds. Talk it out with your friends....

SanHaoJie

sanhaoj@yahoo.ca

hp2000

They may already have had affair before you came Canada. There is nothing you can do to save your marriage. She won't come back even your heart is broken.

Life is a one-way trip, start your new life ASAP.

喝杯忘情水吧


忘情水
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