Thanks everybody!
what you said encouraged me and remind me of the result it will cause to my kid. The traditions, township and family traditions will influence a kid's ideolegy so strongly. Both my husband and me have our own different traditions. I'm from a traditional family, my mother and grandmother taught me to "cong yi er zhong" my mother said to me, there is nobody divorce in our large family. i'm the eldest in the third generation. she often pursaded me to see on the face of my kid, try to give her a whole family.
On the other hand, his idea is quite different. That new year when he beated me in his parent's home, i asked his mother whether her husband ever beated her, her reply quite surprised me. "Why not beat? which man don't beat theri wife in our village? otherwise, how to take control?" So she thinks man beat woman is a matter of course! Thay's why every time he was so "li zhi qi zhuang"when beating me before his mother and sisters. one more thing, in his mind, wife is nothing. he said to me more than once that"He cares only those who have blood relation with him. he takes no care of others except them." when i asked him how about his brothers in law, he said he treat them good only because they have relation with his sisters.I am after his brother in las. So "qin ren"and "cherich"are too luxurious for me. He even said before one of our friend when we quarreled before him"Once we divorce, she goes her way, i go mine. we don't know each other any more!" and he often said to me"Think is well, once we divorce, i will have no relation with you. so think it over!" I can't express myself clearly and to the point. what i want to say is tradition, what one sees in his childhood is so powerful printed in one's mind and will influence his whole life. but i was so foolishly convincing myself that those words are spoken when we were quarrelling, not his real thinking!
I say this only because those words of yours reminded me of the importance of a living environment for a child. I suddenly became awaken.
those sisters suggested me fight against. yes, i tried. But try to imagine: he is 20cm taller than me and strong. Once when we quarrelling, he was cutting something with a pair of sicous(jian dao), that kind used by a tailor, long and large. He threw it at me. the only thing i can do is to hide myself behind the door. Then i found the door was cut off a piece by the front of the siscious.Every time when i see he shake his fists before me i ran away try to avoid. i remember once he pulled me from bed to the ground and kicked me before my daughter, the only thing i can do is cry for help. Oh, my mind and my fingers are trembling so much when i typing. |
发表于 2003-2-1 23:33
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