xhu

本文以前贴过，但写的不好，愧对观众。现在改了很多， 自我感觉好多了。所以贴出来。
Miserable Love


Chapter One


It has been a while since I knew this girl, Catherine. When I think of her, I can always imagine that this girl with such special character as quietness and intelligence is the symbol of my love, my endless and everlasting love. It has been uneasy for me thinking of her, her personality and character. Often many times, her image entered into my thoughts and my brain unstoppably. And traceably, this beautiful lady has been occurring my mind for nearly a month. And every single moment when I think of her, I can feel the love and her beauty as with me, along. In these nights of summer, my feeling for her swept me like the wave of the ocean, powerful, strong. When the up and down of wave glided my mind, I could always feel this girl, this special girl entered into my life. So much like a sailor, me, gliding with the boat in the unknowing open sea. Only her that comforted my mind thus I felt Catherine was always with me.
The summer was such a special time in this part of the world, Montreal, Canada, this special city of French and English majorities and minorities from all parts of the world, the city which was built beside the St-Lawrance River sometimes back in the history when the French and English settlers came to North America in 18<SUP>th</SUP> century from Europe. Maple trees in the parks and along the city streets were tall and strong, standing, silently. When the smooth and warm wind blows from Northern Atlantic ocean, their leaves and branches moves from left to right following the blowing wind. Flowers were around everywhere you can see, lily, rhododendron, azalea and flowers you could not name. Swimming pools were built in the parks. You can sometimes see people swimming in the pool. Life is easy and casual in this city. <O:p></O:p>

Strange thoughts took me these couple of days. Did she love me? Or, I loved her instead. I know Catherine for about a month. She is a musician, a Roman Catholic, and I, an engineer. My name is John, a Chinese having a very good Christian name. I liked the good characters in American movies, very heroic. It looked to me every one of them is born to save the earth. John in the Terminators, I remembered. Catherine loves art and music. And for me, music is my favorite, so I like fine Chinese paintings and western paintings. <O:p></O:p>

I first met Catherine in an Asian fine arts museum in Paris. It was an exhibition. When I went into the exhibition hall, I saw a beautiful western girl entered from the security gate. She wears a fine blouse and a pair of blue jeans. She argued with the security guard about her camera. She could not talk very good in French, I couldn't too. She forgot to bring her camera into the museum, but she has already entered through the gate. She wants to go back for her camera, it seemed the security guard says camera is not allowed in the museum. I stepped forward and explained to her in English. She thanked me. She is a beautiful young girl. I liked her. After some introduction and seeing I am an Asian guy, Catherine asked me whether I could show her around for the exhibition.

Catherine is a Scottish-English mix, like me, she is from Canada. It happened we both live in Montreal. She is a musician there in the orchestra. When the Asian fine arts exhibition was on, she was just having a vacation with her fiancé. I, alone, came to Paris for fun in my summer vacation. I liked the American musical American in Paris. It is not so odd that Catherine and I met in the museum. I thought God has his plan.<O:p></O:p>

When we were walking in the exhibition hall. Catherine asked some questions about Asian arts such as calligraphy. It seemed to me she was bored in Paris and then she came to see the Asian arts exhibition. Because she told me Chris, her fiancé, went for business today. Chris is a businessman, a Canadian high-class kind. She told me she would let me to know Chris some times.<O:p></O:p>

When we passed a photograph of butterflies in the hallway, she stopped quietly and looked carefully at the butterflies for a while. And she said to me she liked the photograph, then she leaned her body and read the English description of the photograph under it. I also looked at the photograph and the description with care, it says HuaDie[1], and obviously it is from Chinese love story “Liang ShanBo and Zhu YinTai”. The exhibition is a culture exchange event between Chinese government and France. It is just a normal photograph hanged over the wall for the visual effect. It showed two butterflies flied over a tomb built of some white stones. After she read the description, she and I entered the exhibition hall, and I led her for the whole exhibition for the afternoon.<O:p></O:p>

In about two hours, we finished with the arts exhibition, I invited Catherine for a cup of coffee and said to her I like coffee and whether she would like to come along. She accepted my invitation with ease. They were many cafes in Paris, just like a city of cafes. We sit down at a cafe right across the street from the museum and started to exchange some conversation. We sit outside under the sun. The afternoon sunshine in Paris was warm. Catherine looked a little dark under the sun. Maybe it is because of the suntan in France. Normally white Canadians people do not look dark. I knew Scottish and English in Canada, many of majority there are Scottish and English. <O:p></O:p>

So here we were, Catherine and me, in the café. I asked her something about the difference between Canada and France, she said they are no much difference since Montreal is a second largest city of Arts after Paris with lots of French population. The only difference in the summer here in France is it is warmer and with more sunshine than summers in Canada. As we talked more and more, Catherine told me she likes Chinese and said we are helpful. There are a lot of Chinese in Canada, she must have seen lots of us. But in France, like at this instant moment when I was talking to Catherine, the French waiter did not seem like us. When I was speaking English to him, he turned her face a little that is not very likable. Anyway, they didn't have many immigrants in France, for what I have to say about Canada is it is an immigration country. I was in London a couple of days ago, I found English are different, they were very polite people. But, ..., I remembered the Shakespeare’s play, Romeo and Juliet. English, they play for their life. There are many English in Canada, I know these people. That is the part I don't like about English. They like people to like them. Most of the time, I like them. Like, ... now I am having a cup of coffee with Catherine.<O:p></O:p>

Catherine mentioned the butterfly photo, she asked me the epic story. Then I told her about the love story of Liang ShanBo and Zhu YinTai, I told her it is like the English play Romeo and Juliet except the different reasoning of two stories, but they are both tragedies. It is the story of two lovers, Liang Shanbo is a man of a poor family studied and practiced Confessionism and would go on his study and take the national exam in literacy for advance himself to become a ruler. Zhu Yintai is the girl who fell in love with Liang Shanbo. She would like to marry Liang Shanbo and support him for his studies. Zhu Yintai's family did not approve her because they were a rich business man's family. And as children in ancient China, girls are not allowed to disobey the family. The family is the order for their daughters and sons. Zhu Yintai insisted to marry Liang, and she wanted to run away from her family to marry with Liang. Zhu's father found out her daughter's attetmpt. He locked her at home and lied to her that Liang is getting married. Liang went for exam along and did not know Zhu were locked up. But when he succeeded in the exam and went back home. Zhu was dead because of the sadness and sickness. He went to her tomb and cried very very hard for her. The tomb mystically broke down, Liang Shanbo jumped into the tomb. Then a pair of butterfly flied out from the tomb. And their story became the legend.
Catherine showed a very strong interest in it. I told her about the firework festival in Montreal a couple of years ago, Chinese firework artists exhibited the Huadie in their firework. I remembered people in Montreal liked it and it claimed the best firework in the exhibition. I also let her know the LiangZhu concerto, and the Huadie piece. She thought a little and told me the first time she is a musician, a violinist. I was a little surprised.
I offered Catherine a ride after the coffee after we exchanged each other our phone numbers in Montreal. After the coffee and the Asian Arts Exhibition, we became friends. She said no mildly to my offer, and said Chris will pick her up at the Eiffel Tower.
I loved her, Catherine, after we first met. I had strong feeling for this girl. Not only she has a good heart, but also she has a strong and decent character. And her beauty, I started to imagine what it is going to like if we have relationship, what if she becomes my girl friend. I started to feel the summer breeze of Paris, the smooth, warm wind breezing my face from the southern Mediterranean sea. And the sunshine in northern France warmth my body and my soul, as cleaned with the little spirit of this beautiful young girl. Will my life start with all wonders with her? What about her fiancé?



<HR align=left width="33%" SIZE=1>[1] HuaDie, Chinese word, meaning human turning into butterflies.

qazx

.... uneasy for me thinking (to think) of her, her personality and character. Often many times (no need of often), her image entered into (no need of into)my thoughts and my brain unstoppably. And traceably, this beautiful lady has been occurring (need in) my mind for nearly a month. And every single moment when I think of her, I can feel the love and her beauty as with me, along. In (during) these nights of summer, my feeling for her swept me like the wave of the ocean, powerful, strong
And there are some more I cannot correct due to my lack of persistance.

圆明园

I like it, very much.  Probably your style is not for everybody but I love it.  Maybe your grammar is a little bit unusual, who cares, I understand it perfectly, it is a pleasant reading experience.

圆明园

Post by qazx

And there are some more I cannot correct due to my lack of persistance.

you could have simply said, "because i'm lazy"

xhu

Chapter II

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The next time I met Catherine was in Canada. I invited her to a concert held at McGill University, the school I graduated from. Actually a couple of days after she has held a personal concert at Montreal Symphony Orchestra. It was the fifth year in her career that year; she was holding a celebration concert there. I intended to go to the concert to watch her perform, with my girl friend. She performed very well that night, she performed a Chinese one at the last, the Huadie, the one we both liked and talked about in Paris. She is the violinist among the best in Montreal, now I know. I felt with the music that night like the music is for me, from a friend I just started to know. The familiar harmony is with me until now.
I called her that morning from my work. I told her that I couldn't resist to invite her for a concert. But I did not tell her I went to her concert the other night and pretended I did not know about her fifth year celebration. I told her McGill orchestra was performing in the university. I invited her, with eager. She simply said yes to me that she loves to go with me. I was excited. That means she would like to go on a relationship with me. It is going to be a date, she and I both know. The concert was on Friday night.

Summer breeze in Montreal is refreshing. They are most often sunshine days here in the summer. Not like Paris, It rains sometimes in the summer, quite a lot, I can say as I have lived here for about thirteen years. Instead of studied here in Montreal, I secured a job in an engineer firm as an engineer consultant after I worked in US for a couple of years. I am so familiar with this city. I especially liked downtown area, especially McGill and Place des’Art metro area. They are the heart of this city. It is very often you can see the financial districts, those tall buildings filled with banks, insurance companies, stock broking firms and consulting firms. People rush in and out in the morning and afternoon, and they worked with ease in the day. St. Catherine street is very special. It is designated for the shopping. When you walk on this street, you can see many stores and shops ran by Franchisers and store owners.<o:p></o:p>

McGill area is special, not only with these tall buildings, the downtown campus of this number one university in Canada locates here. As a graduate from the university, I like to walk in the beautiful campus sometimes. Most often, you can see the maple trees and the wide far a seen lawns surrounded by the tall bushes opposite to the football court. Up towards north, it is the Royal Victoria Hospital, the McGill teaching hospital and towards west, there is another teaching hospital, General Hospital. The sport center was built at the north-east side of the university and it has a very large football field.<o:p></o:p>

Place des’Art is very special for the city, not only with its very modern architecture, it also hosts many internationally known concerts, opera and art shows. It also conserved an art exhibition hall featuring seasoning art exhibitions that I have been to some. For many times, I have been thinking maybe Catherine will perform in Place des’Art. It would be so wonderful and inspirational to see her play there.<o:p></o:p>

My girlfriend called me after lunch. She said she would like to buy a pair of jeans and asked me to go shopping with her over the weekend. I pretended carefully and said yes to her.<o:p></o:p>

She is an interesting girl, my girlfriend, cute and smart. Many times, she has been sweet to me. She is a normal kind of Chinese girl, and she is pretty. I remembered the jeans she wore, it is really old. So she wants me to help her selecting a new pair of jeans.<o:p></o:p>

It is been a while I have been thinking about this, my girlfriend and Catherine. Obviously Catherine is a better girl than her, my girlfriend. Catherine has a good heart like all church people. And she is mature and strong, and most of all she is beautiful. She has been in my mind for quite a while. Comparably, my girlfriend, she thinks matter most of the time in her own way. She is a pure girl with some cute naivety, at least she kept it. Sometimes I tease her and talk to her that she never grows up. But it does not matter, I love her. Now considering Catherine, she is a lady with such interesting special character. I cannot forget her.

I brought a cup of coffee in the coffee shop. Sit down at the corner beside the windows, and started to think. What I am really looking at, for my life? I have a career that does not bring me much income. Sometimes I do run out of money without having a good project that brings me more bread. So I have to borrow some money from the bank to cover my living expenses. I have a girlfriend who loves me but never talks about marriage to me. So I love her and wouldn’t bring the subject as well because of my financial situation. Now Catherine came into my life, can I afford to have a wonderful life with her? What will she think of my situation? If she loved me, she would marry me instead of marrying money, that is really what I think. That Chris, her fiancé, is the perfect example of it. I think his family is very rich. I would like to keep my thought as long as I can about me and Catherine. But my girlfriend. Obviously she did not want to talk about marriage to me just because I am really poor. I think she is really thinking about wait and see how I do it with my career, and how much I love her.<o:p></o:p>

xhu

Chapter III

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It was six o’clock in the afternoon on Friday, I was waiting for Catherine at McGill metro after work. I had some busy work for the whole day, feeling a little tired. But when I thought of Catherine and our date tonight, I was excited. I wore a black suit and a blue tie with a pair of newly bought black shoes. The concert will start at six thirty. <o:p></o:p>

After five minutes passed six, Catherine still did not show up. She might have missed the metro, so I had to wait for another one. I lifted my hand anxiously, and looked at my waist watch. It was about five more minutes after, she showed up. She smiled to me when she walked close. Then she said, “let’s go.”<o:p></o:p>

Catherine dressed casual that night, a black blouse and a pair of blue jeans like the first time I saw her in Paris, elegant. So we walked into the concert hall in McGill Music building fifteen minutes before the concert start. The door person lead us the way, gave us the prelude and said, “you can sit anywhere.” It is the free concert McGill Faculty of Music give very often to the Montreal public society.<o:p></o:p>

We picked seats in the middle, and sit down. I read the prelude while she was also reading hers. It was modernization kind of classical music was on the show tonight. I don’t normally like classical music, but modern classical, I may like it. I leaned to her and slightly taking my prelude, and said to her, “Interesting.” She smiled and replied, “very.” Then I leaned my body and sit back. <o:p></o:p>

            There are quite a lot of people here. Most of them are middle aged couples, and with children, some senior couples, and some young people.<o:p></o:p>

            The music started. It started with the smooth harmony like country and river. I liked the harmony and the modernization rhythm. I looked at Catherine, and found she is concentrating on the music, very enjoying. I sit back and started to enjoying the music myself.<o:p></o:p>

            The music went on for nearly two hours. I can see Catherine enjoyed the music, until the finish. I was quite happy. I thought she was happy too. I started to think to invite her sometime again to concerts, maybe arts museum, as there are quite a lot of art museums in Montreal. <o:p></o:p>

            After the music performance, we had coffee near the concert hall. And we talked a little about the music. I asked her, “do you enjoy the music.” She said to me with a smile, “yes, I do, it is very interesting music.” I said to her again, “then next time, we can come here again.” She raised her head, then said, “sure.”<o:p></o:p>

            When we had coffee, I talked a lot to her. About my family, my experience in America, but I tried to avoid my career now in Canada. She was stirring the coffee, without saying much. Suddenly, she said, “I saw you with another girl.” I realized that she might saw me the other day when I went to the concert with my girlfriend. But I pretended, “when?” I said.<o:p></o:p>

            “The day I had the concert, you came…” she said seriously and unhappily, “…with this girl, “ she stopped.<o:p></o:p>

            “Is she your girl friend?”<o:p></o:p>

            By now I can not lie to her, “yes,” I said with a smile, “my girlfriend.”<o:p></o:p>

            “Why didn’t you tell me?”<o:p></o:p>

            “I don’t have the chance,” I said.<o:p></o:p>

            I leaned to her, and said to her, “I… what can I say? …I love you more than her.”<o:p></o:p>

            I suddenly have some nerve, “I love you because you are beautiful, strong, decent, and … elegant.”<o:p></o:p>

            “Really?” she nodded, “really.”<o:p></o:p>

            I leaned to her again, raised up my limb, touch her face with my finger. She did not say nothing, there are tear drops on her beautiful eyes. “Really?” she said.<o:p></o:p>

            “really.”<o:p></o:p>

            She smiled. And she turned her body away from me.<o:p></o:p>

            “I wanna go home now.”<o:p></o:p>

            “OK,” I said.<o:p></o:p>

<o:p></o:p>

            When we arrived at her apartment, she invited me for tea. She lives in a tall apartment building in downtown. It was about ten now. The dark blue summer sky filled with the moisture. It was a little humid,; and it wasn’t too hot. Half moon night, I sighed. The sky was painted with black and dark blue color. There weren’t too many people walking on the street. Larks have already slept at this time of the night. It was quiet, just some cars rushes over the streets had some sounds.<o:p></o:p>

            We walked in the apartment building; and went to the 9<SUP>th</SUP> floor. She brought out the key and open the door. <o:p></o:p>

After I entered into her living room, she told me, “have a seat on the sofa, I will make tea.” Then she quickly went into her kitchen.<o:p></o:p>

            There are some magazine laid on the tea table, In the corner, there is a large delicate stand with a mini CD player on the stand. Another corner is empty, and her fiddle was hanged over a metallic hook on the floor. Beside it, it is a bass. I turned my eyesight to the table beside the window. IA red single rose standing in a vase caught my attention. The rose is fresh. And you can see the trace of dews on the leaves and the flower. It is a delicate brownish vase with lilies painted on the outside. I picked the McLean on the tea table, sit on the sofa beside it and started to browse the pages.<o:p></o:p>

            In about five minutes, Catherine went out of the kitchen, carrying the blue tea set. Then she sit on the sofa, poured out some tea in the tea cup until fill. She handed me the cup, and said, “try it, it is Chinese green tea.” I smiled to her and took the tea cup, sipped the tea. The fresh smell of the tea with its special Chinese tea fragrance filled my mouth. I swallowed the tea, and told her, “it is good.” She also sipped the tea along the cup, then she smelled the tea with a deep swell, smiled to me.<o:p></o:p>

            She then turned away from me, approached the CD player in the corner, played the music. The slow rhythmical Waltz started to fill the room. Then she asked me, “want to dance with me.” I said, “well, … I don’t dance too much.” Then I immediately said again, “I never liked dancing very much.”<o:p></o:p>

            “Oh, …” She said with disappointment.<o:p></o:p>

            “You will learn it sometimes, I can teach you how.” Then she again said.<o:p></o:p>

            “Ok, maybe some times.” I said. <o:p></o:p>

            Then I started to think of her. She is such a stron and smart lady. I remembered the other day when she is playing the violin, her 5<SUP>th</SUP> anniversary. <o:p></o:p>

I started to talk to her. I told her when she played the tone on her fiddle that night when she performed, she was always making good touches. And I said it was a complement. But it is real, at least I felt like it. She smiled at me after that, and said with a proud tone, "I have been playing the fiddle for a long time," then she added, "everytime when I pick up the fiddle, I am just very into it. Whenever I play the music I liked, I have the feel." I think she is right, she made her the first fiddle player in the orchestra. I started to talk about the Liang Zhu to her, because I liked the music and I felt that she had a very deep feeling about the music. She said yes because she liked the legend between Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yintai. She told me she knew the music because she liked Romeo and Juliet very much. And she mentioned Huadie and the butterfly.