杏林树下

熊对能说：穷成这样啦，四个熊掌全卖了；
兵对丘说：兄弟，踩上地雷了吧，两腿咋都没了？
王对皇说：当皇上有什么好处，你看，头发都白了；
口对回说：亲爱的，都怀孕这么久了，也不说一声；
果对裸说：哥们儿，你穿上衣服还不如不穿！
比对北说：夫妻何必闹离婚呢？
巾对币说：戴上博士帽就身价百倍了；
臣对巨说：一样的面积，但我是三室两厅；<O:p</O:p
<O:p</O:p
我对大家说：中秋节要到了,祝朋友万事如意！中秋快乐！！

杏林树下

鸟对鸡说: 又来了.

杏林树下

Post by 看啥贴啥
一:
一只老虎追一条蛇到小河边，蛇逃进水里溜走了，老虎于是坐在岸上等，过一会，一只乌龟慢慢地爬了上来，老虎哈哈一笑，一把抓住了乌龟，大声说道： 你以为穿上件马甲，我就不认识你了？？？



二:
一只老虎追一只螃蟹追到河边，螃蟹爬进河里溜走了，老虎站在河边等。 突然抬头看到树上有一只蜘蛛在结网，老虎哈哈一笑，一把抓住蜘蛛，开心自豪地说： 小子！你以为你上网了，把自已压缩了，我就认不出你了？？？


三:
一只老虎追一只老鼠追到河边，老鼠爬进洞里溜走了，老虎站在河边悠然自得地梳理着胡须 ，突然老虎张开大口对着洞口哈哈一笑，开心自豪地说： 小子！别以为你躲到洞里，就可以安然无事了，就算捉不到你，吓我也要吓死你。


四:
老虎追一只老鼠，老鼠一下子钻进了洞里，老虎无奈，只好坐在洞口等．一会，听见洞里有声音，再仔细一听，原来是洞中的老鼠妈妈在教儿子：看到了吧！门口那个熊样的家伙就是咱家的死对头＿＿猫，常常坐在咱家门前等。

杏林树下

风对疯说: 怎么生病了.

杏林树下

全对金说: 兜里有了钱,就不一样了.;)

杏林树下

怱对葱说: 做了一个青草发型,就不忽悠了?

杏林树下

1. Brother wanted
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus, "send me a brother"
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

2. Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE?   It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!"
Wife replies, "No, it means  'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"

3.. Importance of a period
Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a period?"
Kid: "Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away."
  
4. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!"

杏林树下

生物课上

• 老师在讲解花朵的结构, 说好多好多花份落在雌蕊上, 跑的最快的那个才可以和卵子结合, 产生果实.
  

小明举起手,对老师说: 老师, 我明白了, 这就是”先下手为强”.

• 老师在向同学们解释”反哺”现象. 说父母照顾和培育年幼的孩子, 孩子长大了, 要照顾年老的父母.
  

老师举例说, 父母在孩子小的时候,为他们出钱补牙和矫正牙齿, 待父母年纪大了,孩子为父母出钱镶假牙.

小明举起手, 对老师说: 老师,我明白了, 这就是”以牙还牙”.:p

杏林树下

*Lesson 1: Naked Wife*
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with yourshareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure

杏林树下

还真有点担心哥们要被辣妹子砍呢.

Post by 帅的被人砍
话说湖南一个口音很重的县长到村里作报告：
“兔子们，虾米们，猪尾巴！不要酱瓜，咸菜太贵啦！！
（翻译：同志们，乡民们，注意吧！不要讲话，现在开会啦！！）
县长讲完后，主持人说：“咸菜请香肠酱瓜！”
（翻译：现在请乡长讲话！）
乡长说：“兔子们，今天的饭狗吃了，大家都是大王八！”
（翻译：同志们，今天的饭够吃了，大家都使大碗吧！）
“不要酱瓜，我捡个狗屎给你们舔舔。。。”
（翻译：不要讲话，我讲个故事给你们听听。。。）