五味俱全

Post by beauty999;2280610
Farewell Cambridge Again

Zhimo Xu  

(Translator  beauty999)

Quietly, I leave,
as I come quietly.
Quietly I am waving my hand,
farewell the western clouds.

The riverside`s green willow,
is the Sunset`s bride.
The beauty`s shadow in beam wave,
is flowing in my heart.

The Green Nymphoides on the Ooze,
is floating on the bottom of river,
in the wave of Cambridge`s river,
I am reconciled to be an aquatic.

The pond in the shadow of the Elm,
is not a spring,
is the kneaded rainbow's fragments in the floating algae,
precipitated a rainbow-like dream.

Seeking for the dream? Holding a long bamboo pole,
I am paddling toward the more bottle-green aquatics,
In the full boat`s starlight,
I would like to sing aloud in the star light.

But I can't sing aloud,
silence is the departure`s rhythm.
Even the summer hexapods keep silence for me,
silence is the tonight Cambridge!

Quietly, I leave,
as I come quietly.
I wave my sleeve,
without taking a piece of cloud.

LZ勇气可嘉，但恕我直言，感觉是拿着一本汉英词典逐词硬翻出来的。幸亏徐志摩已不在人世，否则看了可能会不高兴。

尽管诗比较自由，但基本语法还是必须尊重的。比如第一段中的leave和 come 显然不能是同一个时态。还有Farewell 当动词用似乎也不太恰当。

网上搜到该诗翻译一首，在信达雅方面，LZ可以借鉴。

Very quietly I take my leave   
As quietly as I came here;   
Quietly I wave good-bye   
To the rosy clouds in the western sky.  



The golden willows by the riverside   
Are young brides in the setting sun;   
Their reflections on the shimmering waves   
Always linger in the depth of my heart.

  
The floatingheart growing in the sludge   
Sways leisurely under the water;   
In the gentle waves of Cambridge   
I would be a water plant!   



That pool under the shade of elm trees   
Holds not water but the rainbow from the sky;   
Shattered to pieces among the duckweeds   
Is the sediment of a rainbow-like dream?   



To seek a dream? Just to pole a boat upstream   
To where the green grass is more verdant;   
Or to have the boat fully loaded with starlight   
And sing aloud in the splendour of starlight.   



But I cannot sing aloud   
Quietness is my farewell music;  
Even summer insects heep silence for me   
Silent is Cambridge tonight!

  
Very quietly I take my leave   
As quietly as I came here;   
Gently I flick my sleeves   
Not even a wisp of cloud will I bring away   

capitalist

>>>Very quietly I take my leave   
>>>As quietly as I came here;   
>>>Quietly I wave good-bye   
>>>To the rosy clouds in the western sky.

这翻译不行, 一段话三个quietly, 重复的厉害

w--w

这个重复偶认为是遵从原作，挺好的。

Post by capitalist;2281035
>>>Very quietly I take my leave
>>>As quietly as I came here;
>>>Quietly I wave good-bye
>>>To the rosy clouds in the western sky.

这翻译不行, 一段话三个quietly, 重复的厉害

i am nobody

平心而论，B同学英文还是不错的，可以说：七窍通了六窍

capitalist

Post by w--w;2281042
这个重复偶认为是遵从原作，挺好的。

原作也不好.

i am nobody

Post by 铁马秋风塞北;2281342
鉴定完毕！

不要以为自己起个很响亮的ID,你就是Somebody

i am nobody

我佩服你吃到苍蝇能咽下去的风度。

iloveall00

morning leave white floor color cloud between,
thousand kilometers river mountain one day return,
two shore monkey's voice cry not stop,
light boat has already over ten thousands mountains.

谁给英译中一下？