niuniuniuniu

伊斯发罕城有个人，看到一个孩子在玩一枚金市，就想把它骗
到手。他走近孩子，给孩子看几个铜市，说：“你把你的这个给我吧，我这些全给你。”
“好哇，”孩子一口答应，“不过，你得装一声毛驴叫！”
那人四下望望，见没有别人，就学了一声毛驴叫。
这时，孩子说道：“你以为毛驴分得清金子和铜，我倒分不清吗？”

niuniuniuniu

有个人被狗咬伤，赶忙到医生那里上药。 医生正收拾东西，准备下班。

“看看几点了，怎么这时候才来？”医生满脸不快。

“我是知道的，医生，”那人说，“可是，狗不懂啊！”

Burgundy

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked okay for a 57-year-old. We drank a bit, and talked awhile, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.

"What's that?" I asked.

"It's a mother and daughter threesome," she said.

I said, "No."

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.

We went back to her place.

She flipped on the hall light and then shouted upstairs: "Mom, you still awake?"

隐私曝光

汤姆到了法定服兵役年龄，听说如果是高度近视就可以不用服兵役。为了证明自己是近视，汤姆来到诊所：
汤姆：医生，我是近视，请帮我开个证明。
医生：你怎么证明你是近视？
汤姆环顾房间四周，然后指着墙角上的一颗很小的钉子说：你看到那里有一颗钉子吗？
医生（迷惑地）：看见了
汤姆：可是我看不见。

歆戈儿~

情人节到了，哥哥问妹妹：你喜欢什么花?
妹妹羞答答道：我喜欢两种花。
哥哥急切地问：哪两种？我送给你!
妹妹低头小声说：有钱花，随便花！
哥哥傻傻地说：你真美！
妹妹妩媚地问：我哪美？
哥哥深情地说：想得美！

歆戈儿~

一病人久患肝病仍不忌酒且好色。

一日正在病房偷饮，让一美丽的护士看到。

她轻柔走近说：“小心肝!"

病人立刻高兴道：“小宝贝！”

flagger

老鳖调戏河蚌，被咬，老鳖忍痛拖着河蚌来回爬，
青蛙见了敬佩的说：乖乖，鳖哥混大了，出入都夹着公文包

蓝夕

一个乞丐敲敲车窗说:"给我点钱."
先生看了下说:给你抽支烟吧.
乞丐:我不抽烟,给我点钱.

先生:我车上有啤酒,给你喝瓶酒吧.
乞丐:我不喝,给我点钱.

先生:那这样,我带你到麻将馆,我出钱,你来赌,赢了是你的.
乞丐:我不赌,给我点钱.

先生:我带你去桑拿房享受"一条龙服务",费用我全包.
乞丐:我不嫖,给我点钱.
先生:那你上车吧,我带你回去,让我老婆看看:一个不抽烟、不喝酒、不赌钱、不嫖妓的好男人能混成啥样!

想昏的美女

He said to me...I said to him


He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ......Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me. ...... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends..

I said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said. . . A widow.

christmas111

两人网上聊天。

甲：你看我的头像牛B么？
乙：像。